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ACAD IELTS TASK 2 - Many people worry about the growing number of obese children


LizScarlet 1 / -  
Dec 7, 2015   #1
In many countries, many people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

They say that the generation of today is way different than before. There are a lot of technological advancements; there are changes in culture and such. One of the most noticeable change is how people look nowadays. Before, a lot of individuals are fit and are on their right weight. Nowadays, even kids are getting out of shape. So what can be the reason for this?

One of the things that can be attributed to children being overweight are their food choices. Fast food restaurants have popped out everywhere making it the most readily available food on-the-go. Since many parents don't have the time to cook for their kids themselves, they just buy their kids "kiddie meals" from such stores which in fact has low to no nutritional value at all.

Moreover, children of today have become integrated with the technology. They were born alongside it so they are more inclined in using them. They have become addicted to playing computer games at home and spend almost half of their time using these gadgets. Playing outside was a thing of the past for them. They'd rather be at the comforts of their home than go out and socialize with other people their age. Their physical activity has become so less that they tend to become fat at such a young age.

Nevertheless, this is a problem that can be readily fixed. All it needs are the support of their parents to help them get back in shape. First proposition that can be suggested amongst these kids is their parents should allot time cooking healthy foods with them. They should not solely rely to fast foods. Not only will it create a bonding moment with their child, it can also help the kid to eat vegetables and fruits.

Another solution would be to encourage the children to exercise with their parents. Have the parents spend time with their offsprings. They can either go out or play basketball, football, hockey, etc. - anything that the kid desires to do so. They can also tell their kids to have a break from the computer by turning it off and asking them to go play with their friends. Physical activity can be achieved with that simple move.

I therefore conclude that kids who are overweight are usually the ones who have parents who are busy with their word. Children are solely dependent to their mother and father so whatever the parents provides, they live with it. This problem can be solved only if the parents are supportive enough to have their kids in shape and be healthy.
Nofrinorman 27 / 17 8  
Dec 7, 2015   #2
Hi Liz, let me give you some feedback to your essay that should be polished :)

They sayMost of people arguethat the generation of today is way different way than before. There are a lot of technological advancements; there are changes in culture and suchso on . One of the most noticeable change is how people look nowadays. Before, a lot of individuals are fit and are on their right weight. Nowadays, even kids are getting out of shape. So what can be the reason for this?MAKE YOUR THESIS STATEMENT.

With the tendency of convenient life, kids eventually ignore the obesity. It cannot be avoided, so parents have to tackle this problem.(This sentence will be your GENERAL IDEA to support your detail idea in the body paragraph)
M3L1 26 / 6 11  
Dec 7, 2015   #3
Hi Liz, welcome to EF. Nice to see you upload your essay here. All I can say is, we all learning to get better in writing. Do not hesitate to give your feed back to others to.

I like your idea, however this is an IELTS writing. We need to be more formal here and make all your sentences that way. For your introduction, I want to rewrite it with my words but with your idea and I hope it will help you. Here it goes..

They say that the generation of today is way different than before. There are a lot ...

People are worried about the increasing number of obese children in the world wide. However, before the high technology affects on people lifestyle, they tend to be healthier and proportional in shape. I believe that sophisticated technology influence children to play with gadgets than do outdoor activities. In my opinion, both parents and teachers should be responsible to this issue.

It seems that you mentioned that parents are the only one who responsible with the issue. How about someone else like teachers and governments, your essay might be complete.
Ra_fhli 22 / 17 8  
Dec 7, 2015   #4
In many countries, many people are concerned about the number of children who are overweight. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

They say that the generation of today ...

I'm So Sorry to say that, please don't take my comments to heart and if I've offended you, I apologize in advance.

First and foremost; Your Introductory is really confusing. setting out the introduction you should bottom line that some parts should include like Hook (Conditional), Background (Conditional), paraphrase the question ( It Must be), and giving your thesis statement hinges the question. when it comes to your essay, we examine about cause and solution. it means you should give a brief information regarding what kind of causes and the way to deal with.So it makes your reader easy to follow your writing. Thus, I think it could be better rather than giving your reader a question in the of the introductory paragraph.

One of the things (SUBJECT) that can be attributed to children being overweight areIS(V) their food choices. Fast food restaurants have popped out everywhere making it the most readily available food on-the-go. Since many parents don't DO NOT have the time to cook for their kids themselves, they just buy their kids "kiddie meals" from such stores which in fact has low to no nutritional value at all .

Moreover, children of today have become integrated with the technology. [...]

IN MY POINT OF VIEW WRITING QUESTION; CAUSE AND SOLUTION, PRIOR TO WE SHOULD DETECT THE CAUSE, AFTERWHICH STRAIGHT TO THE SOLUTION. FOR INSTANCE:

TYPE PARAGRAPH:
INTRODUCTION

1 : CAUSE....
SOLUTION

2. CAUSE
SOLUTION

3. CONCLUSION

IT IS REALLY SIMPLE, RIGHT?

GOOD LUCK!!! KEEP WRITING. ^_^


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