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Ielts academic discussion essay - the importance of different kind of sports.

Zainab110 2 / 5 3  
Apr 15, 2018   #1
Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams, e.g. football. However, some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports, e.g. tennis and swimming. Discuss about both views and give your own opinion.

Benefits of Team vs individual Sports

It is considered by some people that playing team sports is more beneficial than single - player sports, while other refute this idea. In my opinion, team sports have greater importance as it makes an individual competitive and strong.

On one hand, playing game in team has more advantages because team work makes an individual tough, strong and how to get along with others.For example,sportsman playing in team sports such as cricket or football develops competition with his co-players. This sense of competition fortified his playing skills and helps him to become a successful sportsman. Therefore,working with others in team would be immensely helpful to built the competitive and bright sports person.

On the other hand, those who opposes the aforementioned view present their point as well. Single player games are more relaxing and easy. For instance, recreational activities like swimming in which swimmers does not have to rely on others . He or she is independent and can swim and enjoy anytime whereas, in team games one has to rely on others. Thus, it is considered that one-player games are more feasible than multiple-player games.

However, my personal opinion are on par with the idea that team sports have greater significance because it encourages an individual to become the confident and better player.

To conclude,there are continuous arguments for and against the importance of sports type. However,In my view, multiple-player games have positive impact on players by making them courageous and strong.
maryam syed 2 / 4 1  
Apr 16, 2018   #2
This sense of competition will* fortify his playing skills.
second paragraph is not that much strong as the first one.
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,660 1998  
Apr 17, 2018   #3
Zainab in an academic IELTS discussion, you are expected to reflect the sentiments of the original prompt in your opening paragraph. That means, you must restate the prompt based upon your own understanding and then offer an explanation of the upcoming discussion. The sentences for this 5 paragraph essay is always between 3-5 sentences. Run-on sentences and extremely long sentences separated by commas must be avoided because these prevent you from properly developing a mix of complex and simple sentences in your presentation. Run-on and long sentences always lower your GRA and C&C scores due to the lack of focus and proper sentence presentation. The work that you did in this essay feels rushed, little developed, and not really on point with regards to the expected discussion. Your sentences are only a series of "talking points" that are not really developed in meaning or relationship with the topic sentence in every paragraph. Avoid single sentence presentations. These will decrease your scoring potential. Make sure to represent a separate personal opinion that is fully developed in terms of presentation in the essay. Single sentence personal opinions will not result in increased scoring potential for your essay.
OP Zainab110 2 / 5 3  
Apr 17, 2018   #4
Thank you sir. I really appreciate it. I will work on your advices and try to elaborate my points. Can you give me marking on it?
jommiejr 3 / 8 1  
Apr 18, 2018   #5
Try to develop your ideas in a body paragraph.

Currently what I do is (1)Topic Statement, (2) Explain/Restate (3) Explain further (4) Result (5) Example. This will enable you to maximize having a 5 sentence body paragraph. You should also aim for a approx 90 word count in the body paragraph to reach the 250 word count.

Try to develop your sentences and make it complex in structure but not to the point that its a run on sentence.

Hope this helps.

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