Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS Academic Discussion Essay - Spending money on improving existing public trasport

nidaa91 2 / 4  
Apr 18, 2018   #1
IELTS book 12 test 7 writing task 2: In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

public transportation upgrade

My reply (252 words):

It is considered, by a few around the world, that the construction of new faster trains is where most of the government's funds should be spent. Albeit it might be a good investment, I believe updating the currently available public transportation methods is of higher significance.

Less time spent on commuting between places is usually desirable. In other words, everyone wants to reach their intended destinations quicker. For instance, a man who works in two different districts would see greater value in spending millions on a new faster subway. However, this will lead to an increased number of transportation methods, and the new subway might face a set of complains and thus require later improvement.

On another note, funding projects targeted towards enhancing the existing modes of public transportation is the better option. Some individuals find that building faster means of transport is not the answer for smoother translocation between areas. If there is only one bus that goes from city A to city B, the public would benefit more if the state was to spend on adding another bus. It would definitely be less costly and much more helpful.

In conclusion, a country's cash reserve should be spent very wisely with respect to transportation. Billions of dollars used up on a project such as new and high-speed trains might not be what the citizens want. On the other hand, governmental expenditures on fixing the already present forms of public transport is not only a cheaper option but most probably exactly what the people need.

-please grade my work. This time I tried using a specific structure based on several helpful websites. thanks in advance!
Asphodel 4 / 8 3  
Apr 18, 2018   #2
Your second paragraph didn't express your reason against spending money on very fast trains clearly because you didn't give your reason until the last sentence, which didn't specify what the "complains" and "later improvement", either. So I suggest you pose your reasons in the first place and unfold it, instead of providing useless examples supporting the opposite side of your point of view.

Hope my comment is in a way helpful.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,672 4113  
Apr 19, 2018   #3
Nidaa, unfortunately, I cannot grade your work because you did not provide the complete prompt for my reference in reviewing your work. There is no discussion instruction for me to base your response upon. Without knowing what you are being instructed to discuss in the essay, I cannot accurately score you on all 4 scoring considerations. Please be more careful next time. If you want to receive complete and useful help from us, then you need to provide us with the complete instructions for the essay. I can see that you only wrote 4 paragraphs, which means that the essay is under developed in terms of discussion. A completely developed essay discussion is done over 5 paragraphs with 3 of those paragraphs used for reasoning and examples. I also cannot understand why you are discussing the essay in this particular manner because of the lack of instruction. Please, don't waste your time submitting your essay to us if you are careless enough to not include the complete instructions for the discussion at the start. You will only waste your time and my time in reading your essay and then giving only a general instead of pointed advice to help you improve your writing skills.

Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Academic Discussion Essay - Spending money on improving existing public trasport