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Academic IELTS: Writing Task 2: Importance of Planting Trees in Cities and Towns

sisi999 2  
Apr 15, 2018   #1
Some people think that planting trees in open space in cities and towns is more important than building houses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

more flora in urban areas

My timed (40 min) answer (264 words):

It appears that the public prefers to grow trees rather than residential buildings, in empty spots, in a city or a town, as it is considered of more significance. In my opinion, I agree that trees add greater value to cities and towns.

Firstly, cities and towns are bound to be packed with people and cars which leads to air pollution. Scattering trees around would be the easiest way to create cleaner and fresher air. Not only do they help clean the air, but trees are also a great method to enhance the natural beauty of a city or town. In other words, with cities and towns being over industrialised and urbanised, a glimpse of green spots here and there would never be condemned.

With respect to residential buildings, most cities and towns nowadays utilise apartments rather than houses. Thus, if the population is to expand, apartments may increase their number of floors to accommodate for more residents. This method is in fact less costly when compared building a housing area from scratch.

Another point to consider is the possibility of creating a park. If an empty area is large enough, a park can be created with a variety of trees planted. Such a new spot can produce an influx of visitors, moreover helping the economy of the given city or town.

In conclusion, I think that trees are of a greater value to a city or town when compared with residential buildings. Their presence adds an aesthetically appealing element while also aiding on a practical level with cleaner air and perhaps an improved economy as well.

ps. I would appreciate a rough band score. On another note, I thought my writing and overall ideas presented not on par with my usual writing. I think this was because I timed myself...Thank you in advance!
maryam syed 1  
Apr 16, 2018   #2
am also going to take IELTS exam in near future.might be i am wrong but here are some mistakes I found in your essay :)



Another point to consider is the possibility of creating a park. If an empty area is large enough, a park can be created with a variety of trees planted. Such a new spot can produce an influx of visitors.Therefore, helping the economy of the given city or town.

moreover is used when you are introducing a new point.

repetition of town and cities.use synonyms

conclusion is good!

OP sisi999 2  
Apr 16, 2018   #3
Thanks for your comment!
I did notice a repetition of "cities and/or towns" but didn't know what to replace it with.
As for paragraphing... its basically: intro -> para1(clean air+beauty) -> para2(less costly) -> para3(park) -> conclusion
Also, I didn't mention my reasons in the intro as I am following "ieltsliz" format for a possible band score 9 essay. Check her website out, it's really helpful.

"moreover is used when you are introducing a new point." It doesn't sound right for me to start a new paragraph with "moreover"
danieldwipaska 1  
Apr 16, 2018   #4
it seems to me that this writing is overall satisfactory. However, the writing would gain a high score if some problems are fixed such as the structure of writing and the collocation of words.

1. Structure

"With respect to residential [...] area from scratch."

It would appear that the sentences above might not be meaningful on your writing because you should not provide the solution of overpopulation. By contrast, if you still intend to explain it, you can write it in body paragraph 2. It would be easier to understand the main topic that you write in each paragraph.

As @maryam syed mentioned before, you should consider in terms of writing style of writing task 2. You can search it on ebook that other websites provide.

2. Collocation

There are words which are collocated wrong, such as "enhance" and "utilise". The former is not suitable with "natural beauty", while the latter is not suitable with "apartments". You are advised to check the appropriate collocation in order to look more natural in the way you write.

I do appreciate your good-used grammar. There is probably no grammatical mistake on your writing.
OP sisi999 2  
Apr 16, 2018   #5
Thanks for your comment!
It never occurred to me how paragraph 3 went slightly off topic. Timing myself on my first attempt was a terrible decision. I was adding extra random ideas to hit at least 250 words. I ended up having no time to read through what I had written as half of the time went on me counting my words...As for the collocation issue, I agree with your comments. On another note what is the name of the ebook you recommend?
Holt [Contributor] 1542  
Apr 17, 2018   #6
Serena, you will score a total of 4 with this essay because your response is only minimal. Your response is tangential and does not appropriately respond to the criteria set for the response in the original prompt. The discussion instruction is asking you for an emotional response that gives a degree of agreement with the statement. This is when you should be responding in a manner that indicates either a total or partial agreement or disagreement with the topic. Instead, you responded in a simple manner indicated by a simple point of view essay. A more appropriate response for this would have been:

For several reasons that a will be discussing in this essay, I find that I am in total agreement with the previous statement.

You have to work on the coherence and cohesiveness of your essay paragraphs. Your ideas are all under developed and under discussed. This means the reader is left confused and wondering about the point of your statements. You can't jump around from topic to topic in the paragraph or expect single sentence explanations to suffice. Complete the 5 sentence requirement with the following representation per paragraph:

1. topic sentence
2. explanation sentence
3. additional reasoning
4. example sentence
5. explanation of example

There is no excuse for your writing to not be in alignment with the prompt requirements. You are expected to come to the testing center prepared to take the test, regardless of time constraints in your writing. You cannot use the excuse that your writing was not on par because you timed yourself while writing. Timing yourself is the appropriate method of preparing for this test. Learning how to respond properly to the questions has nothing to do with time limitations. Read other examples of well written essays in this forum. Don't make excuses for your mistakes because excuses will not help you pass in the actual test. There is no scapegoat when you discuss the essay in the actual test in a manner that does not follow the prompt requirements.

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