Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.
How should we use our spare time? It is supposed to be an easy question but the fact is that there has been much debate about this. To be more specific, one of the most typical issues is whether it is necessary to use our leisure time to build-up our mind by activities such as reading or doing word puzzles. In my own view, it's quite difficult for people to decide whether to support or reject the statement above without a cautious analysis of sides, advantages and disadvantages.
To begin with, no one can alter the fact that those supporters should have all their arguments justified. The first is that there are a lot of people like reading and doing some mind games such as chesses or puzzles because of an apparent reason. These activities are safe and suitable for everyone. It's really hard to indicate some latent risks could be come out of these games. Otherwise, virtually parents leaving home have the hope of their children just reading some books or playing chess. Secondly, they are useful. Reading book helps people to acquire knowledge and playing chess helps players to build up their brain, they are undeniable facts.
On the other hand, people advocating the idea above forgot a simple fact that what so-called free time is the time in which we should do what we want to do and free our mind. Training your brain is a good thing but doing it all the time seems to be not an appropriate manner. Furthermore, lots of people, attached to their works' constrains, do not have chances to move much the whole day, for example, computer programmers. They, in fact, need an outside exercise rather than another unmoving activity.
In conclusion, activities improving mind are good, but are, nonetheless, not the best for many people. The way people should use their free time has to be considered in the term of many sides of their particular life.
whether it is necessary to use our leisure time to build-up our mind by engaging inactivities such as reading or doing word puzzles.
--- ''my'' makes ''own'' redundant
without a cautious analysis of both sides, the advantages and disadvantages.
The first is that there are a lot of people who like reading and doing some mind games
Thank you Dumi. It's really helpful.
Could you help me grade my essay, please ? Is it enough to get an 6.5 in IELTS?
Well... I have not taken IELTS so I have no knwoledge about the grading system. However, I have some experience with TOEFL and this task is very similar to TOEFL independant writing task. You display a unique style of writing and that's good. However, you better follow the expected structure for these tasks because they help you earn marks. You can find good IELTS essays in this forum, just search for them, that help you get an idea about the essay structure. Don't forget to support your reasons with examples. :)
Actually, I'm living in a non-English environment. I have to learn and practice all these thing totally alone. So the difficult is that I don't know how my English skill is, what I should do to improve, what the weaknesses are ...etc...
You give me some useful advice and this means a lot to me.
I suggest you to read the following essays to get hold of this structure. I think you display good vocabulary and grammar. So it's a matter of putting things in right order. Get ideas from these essays and write as many as you can to practice. Post them to the forum so that we can give our feed backs for you. Remember that these tasks require you to manage time effectively. That needs lots of practice. :)
Sure I will practice more :), thank you dumi.
@Mriytunjay : IELTS task 2 writing requires at least 250 words, my essay has 327 words so I think it's quite a little long instead ... But you're right, adding examples is a good idea. Thank :)