Hi, I'm preparing for Ielts test. ( I wanna go abroad, ple~~~ase. )
The last score was 7.0(listening) / 7.0(reading) / 5.0(writing) / 5.5(speaking) (academic)
I was shocked that I got 5.5 in writing. I think it is because I could not complete tast1. I focused on tast 2 too long.
Anyhow, I want you help me. There is my essay below. (I wrote this in 45 minutes.)
Please, correct and comment this esssay. Thanks :)
Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true fuction of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an emplolyer.
What, in your opinion, should be the main fuction of a university?
In competitive modern society, people have different opinions on whether or not universities provide education needed in the workplace. In terms of that, I strongly agree that universities should play role as an in-depth and unique academic institution.
On the on hand, it cannot be denied that, as time goes on, employers need skilled graduates because of the competitive social surrounding. Therefore, a lot of people seem to believe that practical skills and knowledge are the most important in university education. On the other hand, in my opnion, it is much imperative for universities to give their own unique education, regardless of the popularity. This is because that this short-term demand for skilled employees in certain trendy field can be easily replaced by changeable social environment. Hence, some practical skills could be no longer needed in the near future. Also, the employees, who only followed trend, not their own interest, could lose their motivation, which makes ones happy. Withough own interest, the job must be boring, regardless of whether that job brings money, so, not only individual's satisfaction but also national competitiveness could be declined.
Moreover, People could hardly accept the importance of the the less related education needed in the workplace at the very moment, however, for long-term advancement, it is crucial to develop a variety of fields. For example, there is the most popular university as an artistic education in my coundtry. At first, when it was built, no one focus on the university. Even a lot of experts opposited the establishment. It is because that people thought it was not the time to support 'art' but economy. However, it ended up buiding with a lot of supporting, now the university becomes the most renowned university in that field. In the past, art, which was concerned with only luxurious, comes to an important area to both economy and individuals. A lot of people who were eager to show their talent achieved their goals and their dreams came true. At the same time, as they win at the world-wide contests and export artistic sense, art itself becomes a profitable industry.
Overall, in industrialized society, people cannot help but admit the importance of education for workplace. However, in the long run, it is more critical that university provides education in many aspects so that a variety of experts can be generated. This is because job satisfaction is individual's happiness and then connedted to national competitiveness.
Hi,
Hence, some practical skills could be no longer needed ( I think you should replace with " necessary") in the near future.
besides, you should check your spelling:
individual's happiness and then connedted
This is because that this short-term demand for skilled employees in certain trendy ( trendy means "fashionble" , i think it's related to clothes, you should replace with another word) field can be easily replaced by changeable social environment
I think each body paragraph should have a topic sentence and a concluding sentence.
Your listening score is good. My listening skill is quite bad. Can you suggest some IELTS books or give me some advice on this skill? :)
Hi :) Thanks for your rapid reply.
I should have done proof reading again.
In terms of the listening, In my case, I usually play BBC radio so that I can get used to the Enligh accent and pronunciation.
The important thing is that I think it is necessary to take trial tests a lot.
(Cambridge 4,5,6,7,8) ;)
Enligh is not my first language so it is quiet demanding to ger high score, but I believe we will get it soon
:D
If you need more help, just tell me. I will give advice as far as I know
