IELTS (Academic)Task 2- Responsibility to pay for the cost of road development

As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on the road systems. Some people think that the government should be responsible for the costs. Others, however, argue that car users should pay for the costs. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Essay:
As the number of cars on the roads increasing these days, a debated issues is undertaken about whether government or car users should pay for the cost of developing road system. Personally, I believe that government should take the main role in building road system, however, car users, as the direct beneficiary, need to share more of the cost.

On one hand, government has an undeniable responsibility in developing roads, since car users are not the only group gaining benefits from efficient road system. On a macro level, the social economic will be boosted, as efficient traffic system dwindling the gap between urban and rural areas, meaning more job positions will be provided and more investment opportunities will be created. On a micro level, other groups, such as car manufacturers, people without cars but using public transportation and tourists, also benefit from extensive and fast traffic. Therefore, as the project involves the interests of different groups, it should be financially supported and accomplished by government.

On the other hand, some people argue that since the government raise funding primarily from taxpayer's income, it seems so unfair to certain individuals to share the cost, especially to those people who always travel on foot rather than using road-vehicles. Accordingly, it makes sense that car users pay more of the cost through higher road registration fee or extra road develop tax on petrol.

In conclusion, it should be government's responsibility to financially support and develop efficient road system. But from the perspective of fairness, car users should contribute more money than other groups.

This is not bad. In fact pretty good :) However, I wish if you expanded on the hook and the background parts. Here you have connected the hook with the background. I wish you separated them. Hook is very important to form the first impression about your writing to the reader. If it is catchy, then the impression would be good and if it is lousy, the reader would be less likely to follow what you write thereafter. Start with a catchy hook;

It is said that countries are developing an auto culture having of millions of cars on the road. .... hook (only an example - this should provide your essay an impressive start and has to be relevant to your topic too)

then give the background of the issue :)

I think this is a good essay. Your position is clear, and your vocabulary is also good. Good luck to your exam :D

thanks dumi, really helpful~!!!!!

As the number of cars on the roads 1 increasing these days, a debated issues is undertaken about whether government or car users should pay for the cost of developing road system. Personally, I believe that government should take the main role in building road system, however, car users, as the direct beneficiary, need to share more of the cost.

1, are increasing --however, this is not the correct phrase you need there as the question says ' increases'/ present continuous

OR

Since more or more cars on the roads cause damages, government needs to spend more money to repair it.

There is no debated issue in the question. IELTS has no extra score for HOOKS or so on. Focus on its marking criteria and do not waste your time for irrelevant stuff.

On one hand, government has an undeniable responsibility in developing roads, since car users are not the only group gaining benefits from efficient road system. On a macro level, the social economic will be boosted, as efficient traffic system 2 dwindling the gap between urban and rural areas, 3 meaning more job positions will be provided and more investment opportunities will be created. On a micro level, other groups, such as car manufacturers, people without cars 4 but using public transportation and tourists, also benefit from extensive and fast traffic. Therefore, as the project involves the interests of different groups, it should be financially supported and accomplished by 5 government.

2, dwindle
3, no need of 'meaning' so omit it.
4, comma
5, the

This paragraph has no logical consistency . You have started the thesis with ' undeniable' and ended up with 'should'. Both are not the same. SHOULD is a weaker obligation than MUST. Must = undeniable or mandatory. Plus, you have no strong support to show that it is undeniable. The solution here is Change the word ' undeniable' and write ' it is important' which is equivalent to SHOULD. BTW, the question modal verb is SHOULD so stick with its meaning.

On the other hand, some people argue that since the government 6 raise funding primarily from taxpayer's income, it seems so unfair 7 to certain individuals 8 to share the cost, especially to those people who always travel on foot rather than using road-vehicles. Accordingly, it makes sense that car users pay more 9 of the cost through higher road registration fee or extra road develop tax on petrol.

6, should raise
7 that certain individuals 8 share the cost
9, pay more ( omit 'of the cost')

In conclusion, it should be government's responsibility to financially support and develop efficient road system. But from the perspective of fairness, car users should contribute more money than other groups.

This is a non-sequitur as the derived conclusion is illogical. In this case, you can only take the position ' I believe both government and drivers/users should mutually contribute....

Your task response is only 6 as it has not been logically developed.

Rough score :

Task = 5 (ƒ addresses the task only partially; the format may be inappropriate in places ƒ expresses a position but the development
is not always clear and there may be no conclusion drawn)
Coherence =5 (presents information with some organisation but there may be a lack of overall progression)
Vocabulary =8
Grammar= 8

I think this student is an advanced English learner or user but his or her school/teacher doesn't prepare him or her about the other criteria such as task response and coherence.

Recommended lessons:

1, Essay formats
2, Logical consistency ( 7 band coherence --> logically organises information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout )
3, Avoid cliches such as ' hot button topic' and so on

Score is : 6.5 But this student can potentially achieve 7.5 if s/he learns the formats.

Do not waste your time for HOOKS as IELTS has no score for it. Google ' ielts writing task 2 band descriptors' and download that pdf and go through it.

WOW, thanks soooo much for your comments! It is really useful, indeed. You are right that I am trying to improve the task response, structure and coherence of my essays by writing one essay per day, but it seems the effect is not very desirable. Could you please share some methods/experience with me in regards to how to improve the essay structure and coherence? I will sincerely appreciate it.

You may try Mr Michael wattie (Mikkie wattie). He is a current examiner from Adelaide, Australia. He charges $7 for essays, which is the cheapest one you can get. Google his name and you can't miss it.

1, work on your paragraphs than essays.
2, read DC coles and SIMON IELTS ( ex-examiners)--> google
3, avoid word combination errors ( though you have individual vocabularies, you need ' phrases or chunks' to impress the examiner
4, If your band score is 7 band, then do not learn more vocabs but avoid errors. If it is 8 band, then you need to learn more phrases or collocations of those academic words

5, sharpen your modal verbs and imperative voice skills
6,Try to communicate with the examiner rather than showing- off
7, send me your email ID and I will send you the secrets of IELTS PDF
8, research and study the band criteria, which can be downloaded from google.

For coherence: ( DC coles has many tips for coherence-- google DC coles coherence ielts

1, Topic sentence
2, learn logical writing and supporting sentence+ how to justify an argumentum (discursive)

If anything else, post it!