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Academic style essay about what are the qualities that make a good leader?

tinganc 1 / -  
Jun 24, 2022   #1
Hi, I am preparing for an internal school English language test, I would like your feedback about my essay. The rule is mentioned below:

Write an essay in an academic style in answer to the following question in between 150 and 250 words.

What are the qualities that make a good leader?

Include the following points in your essay:
-a definition of a good or bad leader
-situations where leadership is necessary
-examples of effective leaders

Here is my answer:

Leadership is important when running a company or working with a group of people. It can eventually lead to efficiency and high production of work. I believe a good leader has the characteristic of being able to unite people and give specific and good directions for the team to follow.

Firstly, good leaders are able to unite their team because they understand the potential and skills of each member. They are able to give the right task to the suitable people. Although within a team, members may have different personalities, good leaders are able to communicate with them to prevent conflicts.

Secondly, leaders who give good directions and instructions at important moments can help the team surpass difficulties. Take my own experience working as a nurse for example. During each shift, we will have a person who is named the leader of the shift. When an emergency situation comes, such as if a patient needed CPR, leaders will be the ones telling other members how to react. With good leadership, problems can be quickly solved, and members can be put in the right position to do their jobs without panicking and not knowing what to do.

In conclusion, I believe a good leader unites the team members to work together and give clear and clever instructions when facing challenges and decisions.

Thank you all for reading:)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,839 4175  
Jun 24, 2022   #2
There is no clear personal definition of leadership in this presentation. The definition should only cover one paragraph, rather than several. The spread out definition shows that the writer is not really familiar with the topic, requiring him to try and develop a response over several sentences and paragraphs.

The situation where leadership is necessary uses a good reference point since it is based on personal experience. However, a more explanatory scenario could have been used to better respond to the prompt.

A reference to the examples of effective leaders was committed in the presentation. The - discussion has created a discussion gap. This , is indicative of a rushed essay. It did not pass through proofreading which is why the error was not corrected before the essay was submitted.

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