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Academic subjects should be useful for future careers of students?


yoyolo 5 / 13  
May 26, 2011   #1
Schools should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future career. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

(This is a real IELTS topic that I found from website, however, it seems a bit odd in terms of academic subjects. How do people put the subjects into categories actually? Anyway, help with my grammar please!)

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In speaking of most of those common students, I strongly agree that schools shall give top priority to subjects that will benefit student's future career directly rather than other subjects such as music and sports because those can be learnt as a hobby after school.

The reason for this may involve the recognition that the curriculum schools have been set must meet the requirements of the job market. Apparently, the job options for arts and sports are relatively limited in compare with some general occupations such as teachers and accountants.

It is quite common these days among new graduates who are major in one subject could not find a steady job because they are not trained to be a specialist in those fields. Without sufficient academic achievement, they will surely blame schools for not letting them become competitive in the job market consequently.

In spite of this, the obvious advantages for learning music and sports cannot be denied. Those who really love arts and sports may become future's artists and sports starts. Unfortunately, we should admit that these talents are few. For those who found those subjects are extremely useful and stimulating, they could choose those as their hobbies after classes.

In conclusion, the basic but vital task for students at school is obtaining academic knowledge. Once they left school and start job hunting, they will realize the importance of learning academic knowledge rather than other subjects, which can be learnt after classes as a personal hobby so long as someone who really appreciate it.

KathyLala 20 / 116  
May 26, 2011   #2
You don't have so much errors in grammas; however, your writing needs more direct, for example, "In speaking of most of those common students, I strongly agree that schools..." you just start your sentence with "I strongly agree...", you can delete "In speaking of most of those common students", if you feel that your sentence may get bored with direct starting, you can add "smart sentence" to get reader's attention; that means you can give general info about your topic, for example" Many arts or sports graduated students complain that their degree unable to offer them jobs like what they had expected while science career students have job offer prior to their graduation."

In spite of this, the obvious advantages for learning music and sports cannot be denied. Those who really love arts and sports may become future's artists and sports starts. Unfortunately, we should admit that these talents are few. For those who found those subjects are extremely useful and stimulating, they could choose those as their hobbies after classes.

This para needs to rewrite; here is another one that I am not prefer to use "In spite of this" what is "this"? if possible, try to avoid" it", "this", "these"...use specific words.

"..the obvious advantages for learning music and sports cannot be denied.."=>what are advantages? explain to readers.

"Those who really love arts and sports may become future's artists and sports starts". <=This is a boring sentence, I'm sorry to say it, but it is like saying "children grow up to become adults". "Stars", not "starts" spelling
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
May 29, 2011   #3
(This is a real IELTS topic that I found from website, however, it seems a bit odd in terms of academic subjects. How do people put the subjects into categories actually?

I like your way of thinking, Yoyo! I don't think they should be put into categories this way, either! But the question is a good one; it is all about what you think is most important in life. Science and math can help you get a job that pays well, and art can help you enjoy life in a deeper way. I think, because you believe this prompt is strange, you probably value art and music as much as other subjects. :-)

Kathy, this is great advice! It's true; the grammar is not bad, but we need more examples. I think every paragraph should have at least 3 or 4 sentences. Write paragraphs like this:

Sentence 1: Give the main idea you are sharing in the paragraph.
Sentence 2: Give an example to help the reader understand what you mean.
Sentence 3: Give another sentence to help explain it in an even clearer way.
Sentence 4: Give one final thought about the topic of the paragraph.

You do not always need to use the above method, but if you do it will help you to write good paragraphs.

:-)
OP yoyolo 5 / 13  
May 29, 2011   #4
Thanks Kathy and Kelvin, that really helps a lot.
Another thing is about 'idea organising', I really couldn't concentrate on both of the idea organsing and writting in a very short period of time. I am so afraid to have a difficult topic in the exam.
dhammika1973 8 / 18  
May 30, 2011   #5
...Those, who really love art..

Yoyo Lo, your try is very nice. In the 4th paragraph, you can explain at least one additional advantage, I think it is also improve your tone of the essay.


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