Hi, i am a new member of the forum, i am about to take the IELTS exam and still trying my my best to improve my poor writing skills. It would be so nice if i can get some of your advices about my essay below. I know i might have some silly spelling or grammar mistakes so all opinions are kindly appreciate. Thank you for your attention.
cambridge ielts 14: Test 1: Writing task 2:
some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.
Many people face the dilemma of situations in which acceptance is the optimal approach whiles others would rather try to overcome hardships. Personally, I suggest that people should base on the situations they are facing with to decide which way they should solve it.
To start with, i think people should satisfy with what life brings to them and undergo the situation as they believe that there is nothing they can do about it. Their solution is simply to just go with the flow because nothing last forever and so do their problematic circumstances. Besides that, acceptance and actually avoid people from having negative emotions or unconscious actions such as suicide, seft-harm,... For example, a candidate are being late for an important interview due to traffic congestion, he or she can accept the situation and wait for another chances instead of being stressful or driving fast to improve the situation. Hence this is why people accept bad circumstances.
On the other hand, there are some particular situations which people can improve. The world is full of inspiring people who has able to turn hardships into chances by clearly understanding the value of choice. Instead of giving up so easily, it is obivious that people can improve and make their problem become a chance.
In my honest opinion, i strongly suggest that one can choose to act in both way according to the situation. When you are facing a problem, if the solution requires you to simply ignore, just do so. However if the only way to solve your problem is to figure it out how, then you should take action quickly
In a conclusion, the important thing to do when you facing a problem is to analyze it and ask yourself question: "What is the best thing to do". Think wisely and choose the best solution.
First of all, I think it's a bit difficult for me to evaluate as you did not include the actual instruction that usually comes after the prompt, i.e. 'do you agree or disagree?' or 'discuss both opinions', etc.
As for the essay, your grammar needs improvement. Your essay may only get a band 5 at maximum even though your content answers the question. There seems to be many spelling mistakes too. This should be easily spotted if you use a document editing software (wrong spellings are underlined in red).
You also should not build incomplete sentences, for example "Besides that, (...) actions such as suicide, seft-harm,... ". Ending your sentence with dots like that can drastically bring down your band score.
I suggest that you get a teacher/friend to help correct those mistakes I stated because there is too many to be pointed out. Also, check the IELTS band descriptor to see which band score you are at as you practice.
thank you so much for your advices, I really need someone to point out my mistake so i can correct them, i would try my best !!!!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,540 3448
A personal opinion should not be presented int he introduction paraphrase because there isn't enough sentence space left for you to explain your opinion. The opinion is always presented as the first, second, or third body paragraph in the main discussion. If you compare the original prompt to your prompt response, you will see that you delivered an incomplete paraphrase of the discussion:
OP: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
YP: I suggest that people should base on the situations they are facing with to decide which way they should solve it.
The correction presentation for this paraphrase section would be:
When faced with problematic developments in relation to finances or work activities, there are some people who will have a defeatist attitude and accept what they believe cannot be changed. While there will be those who believe that such circumstances can be positively resolved. It is important that I discuss both points of view in order to present my own assessment of the topic.
Note that the way I wrote the introduction properly paraphrased all of the important aspects of the prompt, while focusing on creating a GRA and LR boost through the use of synonyms in the introduction. These are very important to accomplish early on in the essay to boost your TA and overall score.
If you are offering an opinion, then you cannot make a suggestion. Rather, you can offer an opinion based on your personal belief. So instead of "strongly suggest", you could instead say "I strongly believe" in support of your opinion.