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Accident at the waterfall. Memorable childhood incident - Exam essay

Hardik vohra 1 / -  
Jan 9, 2018   #1
Many childhood incidents leave lifelong impressions on people. Write an essay in which you describe a memorable childhood incident and explain its effect on your life.

This incident had severe effects on me

As a child I always had the tendency to help others before completing my work. I would try to help others in finishing their project in time, shared my lunch with everyone and tried being the mediator between to classmates to resolve their fights. Half way through 8th grade we had a new student named Samuel in class. His parents were recently transferred to another country, therefore they sent Samuel to our boarding school. Our school was famous for the annual 'Student of the year' competition. All the students grade wise would participated in order to win the trophy and a scholarship for an American University.

Richard was a very clever and an all rounder student. He would perform academically well as well as performed brilliantly in extra curricular activities. He was extremely competitive and loved seeking attention as he was the son of the governor. Richard was the winner consecutively for the last three years. The competition had begun and soon we realized that Samuel was a tough competition to Richard. They both competed against each other and were in the Finale. One evening Richard called me and Samuel to the waterfall area and asked Samuel to step back from the competition. Samuel declined and soon Richard attacked him and they got into a physical fight. I was petrified at Richard's behavior and decided to intervene. Just when I was trying to stop them I by mistake pushed Richard down the waterfall.

Samuel and I promised each other that we would not tell anyone about this incident and never mention it in the future. But the next day, the police came searching for me and took me along with them to the police station and pronounced me guilty. I was flabbergasted and before I could tell my side of the story Samuel had already informed the police and for reason unknown Richard too blamed me. Richard had a few stitches on his forehead and his left leg was amputated. I was sent to the juvenile jail for five months and had to do community service for a year. My name was registered in the criminal records. When I returned from the jail back to school, I suddenly found everyone distancing themselves from me.

This incident had severe effects on me. I became an introvert child and was unable to trust anyone. I became a loner and diffident and spent maximum time just gazing in the sky. I refused to meet new people or join any extra curricular classes. Soon, my parents got me admitted in another school. But that did not help either. I would not talk to any one or participate in any activities. I was gradually slipping into depression. I had anxiety issues and would often wake up in the middle of the night sweating. I was sent to a counselor weekly but I was unable to share my inhibitions with her initially. Gradually I started opening up to her and shared my concerns and miseries. She helped me get out of the situation smoothly and today I am applying for my graduate college in order to finish my education and move on in life.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,529 3445  
Jan 10, 2018   #2
Hardik, the first question I have to ask is, are you sure you are not speaking of a story from a Hollywood movie? I seem to recall a Hollywood movie, whose title escapes me at the moment, with the same plotline. Please, if you are over dramatizing an event or plagiarizing an event, you need to stop. That will not be good for your application. Reviewers are aware of even the smallest instance of plagiarism based on movie plots because numerous students try to pass off such essays during each application cycle. If you are one of them, then you need to write a more honest and personal experience based essay. Don't risk it, it just isn't worth it.

Now, if by any far fetched chance this is actually an incident that happened to you, without plagiarism involved, then you need to explain why you were asked to go to the waterfall by Richard. Your presence there was not really required and there was no indication that you should have been there in the first place. Next, what happened after you pushed Richard in accidentally? Why did you and Samuel take a vow of silence? How did the incident affect your family? How did your parents try to help you get out of the problem? Why did they fail? What happened to you in jail? How did your incarceration affect your family? How did it affect you physically, mentally, and socially?

There are too many missing elements to make this an informative essay. Aside from parts of your story not adding up as something based on reality. This is why I am suspecting that this is not a true event that happened to you. There are too many holes in your story that exist to the point where the rest of the occurrences in the essay don't make sense unless it was written as a movie plot.

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