Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have the greater role in raising children in most societies. Others claim that men are just as good as women at parenting.
Nowadays, the raising of children is one of the most essential skills, that every parent should acquire. According to many people, women are much better in taking care of childen than the men, while others argue that men's abillities in bringing up children are as good, if not better than the women's. In my opinion, the females are able to establish better conection with their children and tend to spend more time with them, that is why for me they are the better parents overall.
We all know that the raising of children requires a lot of time and intense concentration. In contrast to the men, who are getting distracted way too easily, the women tend to focus better on their daily tasks and duties. Moreover, most of the females nowadays, have a lot of free time, which they usually devote to their children, something that cannot be sair about the males, who are always busy pursuing thair own goals and dreams. Furthermore, it seems like many women actually enjoy spending their leisure time playing or caring for their children, whereas the men find the time carying for their children like more of a chore than a pleasure.
Children always need to feel like they are loved by their parents, just as they need a shoulder to cry on, when the plans, are not going in the intendet direction. For most of us, it is not a secret that, the children feel more comfortable and confident in their mather's presense. Whether, because they express
their emotions better or due to the fact, they show more kindness and understanding to their kids, most of the kids will always favour their mothers. In addition to this, the time spend with their mother, is found to be more excithing and interesting for the majority of the children.
The raising of children is a complex process and requires a lot of time and money, but at the end of the day is all worth it. I think that, even though the men should play an important role in this process, overall the women are better parents, because their love and mother's instincts are the most valuable thing for every child.
I do not see any flaws in your ideas, I'd suggest adding your position to your first paragraph just like you did on your last paragraph. I do see idiomatic and grammar mistakes.
If your noun is plural, you don't need the word "the" before it.
Commas have specific rules which you're not following at all so it all pauses in the wrong places. Look up the basic comma rules and check your essay. Some of them are:
1. DON'T use commas in between independent clauses.
2. Use a comma before a coordinating conjunction (for, and, but, yet, so)
3. Use a comma between a dependent and an independent sentence if the dependent one comes first.
4. use it to separate items in a list
5. DON'T use it before or after prepositions
You have a few spelling mistakes as well- presense- presence.
These are a few observations. Check your writing and evaluate these comments.
Keep practicing, there's no shortcut!