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Our achievements in the past will motivate us today.


vsravan 1 / -  
Mar 28, 2011   #1
Hi all ,

I am new to this forum. I request you guys to please look into the below essay and let me know your valuable suggestions...

Yesterday, the director of Indian Atomic energy regulatory commission told that all the power reactors in India are in compliance with the safety regulations imposed by the commission. He is also confident that these reactors, unlike the ones in Japan, can withstand a natural calamity of higher magnitude than that has devastated Japan last month. His confidence stems from the fact that the regulations were drafted after carefully analyzing the past data of various catastrophes, such as big earth quakes, Tsunamis & cyclones, occurred in last 3 or 4 centuries across the world. In a way, he concluded, 'our past' has helped us in designing better and more effective regulations. His words reiterated the importance of 'learning about the past' in building a better future.

Yesterday's failures are the stepping stones for your today's success. Analyzing our failures in the past will help us in understanding our previous mistakes and enable us to come up with better strategies/plans to succeed in today's endeavor. Quite often, we see many players/athletes watch the recordings of their previous matches/performances and analyze their performance. Watching their earlier performances is the best way to understand the merits or demerits of their game. Based on that analysis, they will adjust their strategies for future games.

What is 'present' today will become a 'past' for tomorrow. All those discoveries and inventions of our elders have become a past for us today. However, we can't underestimate the significance of our elders' research. In fact, their findings are the base for today's research or technological advances. Although there is a huge difference in terms of speed and luxury, the basic design of a modern flight still remains the same as that of the first air-borne flight designed by Wright Brothers. So, in order to manufacture a better aero plane, one has to learn the basic modular design of Wright brothers& understand how it works.

Our achievements in the past will motivate us today. For example, I always get motivated by my past achievements & appreciations I have received while I was in college. Today, thinking about those appreciations gives me lot energy to work even harder and earn more appreciations. As a saying goes, there is no future without past. In order to have a better future, it is imperative for all of us to understand our past and learn from it.

ecordo5 4 / 29  
Mar 28, 2011   #2
You offer great insight into this issue. I like to way you include modern events. It demonstrates that you are aware of your surrounding and are able to formulate an opinion over these issues. It makes you seem like a more intellectually inclined individual. However, one suggestion would be to add more personal info. You added some in the end. However, adding information about yourself and how it pertains to this prompt, isn't enough. You have to deeply evaluate how it changed you, or made you see the world differently, etc. Thanks and good luck!

Please review my essay as well!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Mar 29, 2011   #3
I don't think tsunami needs to be capitalized: as big earth quakes, tsunamis and cyclones...

In fact, their findings are the basis for ...

You did a great job. Now, that last paragraph is about how the past can motivate us, which is another argument to support your thesis statement. So, I think that last paragraph is a body paragraph. You need another paragraph after it, and that last paragraph will be the conclusion. The first and last paragraph of an essay like this should both be about the main idea or message of the essay -- the most important CONCEPT of the essay.

:-)
dumbdumb 2 / 20  
Mar 30, 2011   #4
well written thoug it could be elobarated a bit more.
you couldhave done better with the ending :)
findthetime 5 / 9  
Mar 30, 2011   #5
GRE AW?

I think should develop the thesis statement,
..sounds like only focus on the point that"yesterday is the experiece."
not persuasive enough.

the first paragraph is good but state too long for the topic sentences I think.

it's good but not profound in my opinion..personal idea.:)


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