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IELTS essay 2 Achieving good health and fitness through physically demanding sports


mhss 18 / 53 18  
Feb 27, 2013   #1
Please help me with this IELTS essay.

In some societies it is increasingly common to try to achieve good health and fitness through physically demanding sports, special diets, or preventative medicine conventional or alternative. Some people, however, believe that the best way to stay fit and healthy is simply to lead a normal life.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, most people are finding it difficult to concentrate on their health due to the tight working schedules. In such instances, the emphasis given to healthy diet, exercise and relaxation cannot be guaranteed. Thus, it is important to work on a predetermined schedule in order to cover every aspect of our lives rather than simply leading a life. Therefore, I would firmly believe that concerning on physical health is essential.

Firstly, as far as a healthy life is concerned, it is important to concern on physical exercise, mental relaxation and how to be free of diseases simultaneously. Meanwhile, a well balanced diet consists of fresh fruits and vegetables are crucial for a healthy life and vaccination and other preventive measures, for example quitting smoking and alcohol carries an added benefit. Therefore, concern on these aspects helps people to lead healthier lives. On the other hand, if people neglect their health, they may be carrying a risk of diseases for a long period before being diagnosed. And also the benefit of preventive measures cannot be achieved at the correct time.

Nevertheless, there remain few facts to support the counter argument. Firstly, some preventive measures are expensive where the poor cannot be reached. Simultaneously, there can be harmful effects of certain substances; for example, excess vitamins seem to be harmful. In addition, unsupervised exercise may cause joint ailments that can be considered as an extra burden.

In conclusion, paying emphasis on one's hearth is detrimental and the quality of life will be hindered if preventive measures are not taken at the correct time. Therefore, leading a normal life as it is does not simply mean that a person is healthy and they have to pay from their lives in the long run.

christyj 5 / 15  
Feb 27, 2013   #2
Hai...

Meanwhile, a well balanced diet consists of fresh fruits and vegetables are crucial for a healthy life and vaccination and other preventive measures, for example quitting smoking and alcohol carries an added benefit.

It is a long sentence...

Meanwhile, a well balanced diet consists of fresh fruits and vegetables, vaccination and other preventive measures are crucial for a healthy life. For example quitting smoking and alcohol carries an added benefit.

Therefore, concern on these aspects helps people to lead : Therefore, concern on these aspects HELP people to lead

i dodn't think while answering agree/disagree questions there is need of explaining the opposite side..if you are completely agreeing or disagreeing.

hope it is helpful for you..

Christy
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 4, 2013   #3
Nowadays, most people are finding it difficult to concentrate on their health due to the tight working schedules.

"busy lifestyles"

In such instances, the emphasis given to healthy diet, exercise and relaxation cannot be guaranteed

.... this sentence is confusing, especially the latter part :(

Therefore, I would firmly believe that concerning on physical health is essential.

Therefore I firmly believe that people should give proper attention to their health.
Well... your introduction fails to convey your ideas clearly... I think you better re-do it.... Introduce the topic clearly and express you view on the argument direct. You have not talked about the two sides of the argument adequately in the introduction. Tell both sides and then tell which side you take!


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