In my little experience in life, I have had to go through a lot, both good and bad experiences, which taught me a lot in life.
you say "in life" at the beginning of the sentence as well as the end; and you also use a lot twice - not that there is any grammatical error in such usage but i think it would be better if you do not repeat those phrases so quickly. So i would say: In my little experience in life, I have had to go through a lot, both good and bad experiences, which taught me many things
This is a small anecdote of a mistake that I committed but which I did my best to rectify.
i would either eliminate or rephrase this sentence, because when you are about to use an anecdote you do not necessarily have to introduce it
It was all on a hot stifling Sunday Afternoon; << period.
then start a new sentence after this
This was something very exciting and I gave in put all the energy I had in my stomach for that petty free-kick
As a consequence, the ball went high up in the sky and came back down with a loud banging noise that terrified us all. Immediately, we all started searching frantically what had happened.
Please change "as a consequence" to "consequently"
We soon realized that the ball had hit the window pane of the house of Mrs. Tumilia Mrs. Tumilia's house
I tried to think of a solution but apparently I would have to wait until tomorrow to replace that broken window pane as the workshop was closed up at this hour.
The situation is not apparent. it is clear, since the workshop was closed.
Mustering some courage, I waited for the arrival of Mrs. Tumilia and narrated her whole ordeal, taking all the charge on myself
My heart was throbbing very fast at these that instants instant, while but something unexpected happened
Despite the unnerving character of Mrs. Tumilia she did not say anything.and instead Instead, she tried hard to snag her tooth on her bottom lips as if she was trying not to say something hard, . but I could clearly see that she would have hated the idea of having to spend the whole night awake in case a thief would take advantage of the broken window to sneak in .
this sentence is too long, so i tried to fix it.
I could no more longer support the idea of making allowing a poor lady to wake stay up during the night and, by god grace God's grace, a magnificent idea struck me.
Consoled by my proposal, she finally made out a light smile that unburden smiled, unburdening the pain of causing problems to an old lady.
As said previously promised, I came showed up at Mrs. Tumilia's place at seven o'clock and I immediately revealed the surprise that I had already planned to cheer her up even more.
I brought up a nice and cozy tasty meal prepared by my mother, which pleased and delighted Mrs. Tumilia so immensely much so that tears even flowed down her cheeks.
She even told me that my actions have had really touched her and that now I could leave for home as she sincerely no more bore me let go of any grudge.
After wards Mrs. Tumilia thanked me gratefully and, on gratefully. On that day, I was very proud of myself as I paid for my mistake and I succeeded in putting making things right.
lovely little story here! your ideas flowed nicely :)
but consider the changes above.
PRIOR to the corrections i suggested, I would have given your piece a 21 out of 30
~All the best~