Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Admission essay. The topic is - You have 650 words. Take a risk.

Leihn 1 / 1  
Dec 23, 2018   #1
I started writing this university admission essay, but it turned out disastrous. I would appreciate ANY kind of opinion. The essay`s topic is - You have 650 words. Take a risk.

no success without risk?

In modern society taking a risk is usually presented as a good thing, as an opportunity to express yourself and bring innovation. But as much as society praises the courage to show your ideas, most of the time in actuality there are some repercussions.

The greatest innovators have started in less than stellar conditions. The biggest companies - Apple, Microsoft, Amazon and Google have started in a basement or a garage. And their creators have often, in the beginning, been looked at as being the crazy inventor type of people that were constantly bombarded by the heavy hammer of social judgement. For an idea, no matter how good or revolutionary, to take shape it must be correctly presented and navigated onto the cold waters of society.

The presentation of the idea, some would argue, is far more important than the idea itself, and I am inclined to agree with them. Take, by way of example, Thomas Edison. The famed American inventor who rose to prominence in the late 19th century because of his successes. For a long time he was widely acclaimed as the creator of many innovations, the most important of which was the light bulb. Nowadays we are offered a new view of his supposed creations, with the claims that Edison stole Nikola Tesla's inventions. But even with this information Thomas Edison will remain in history as the person who managed to bring the light bulb on the global stage and dethrone the millennial old non-electric light sources.

In our modern age we are faced with a new challenge of equal, if not greater proportions, and that is fossil fuels. Climate change has become a problem of global magnitude and yet we hardly do much to change our current ways. The use of fossil fuels has become so entrenched in our society that most people cannot imagine a world without the roaring engines and the black smoke. Some say that there is no alternative to the current status quo, that no solution can fully replace the lifeblood of the world's economy. But others have decided to take a risk and try to present a realistic solution. The biggest proponent for post fossil fuel future is Elon Musk, who has not only created a viable electric car, but also a brand around it. The Tesla brand is the biggest attempt to make people see electric cars not as a sci fi futuristic idea, but as a reality.

While this is a great way to popularize an idea it also shows the need to
duynghi 1 / 2 2  
Dec 24, 2018   #2
What is your structure in the essay? I suggest you
1/ Have a clear structure and thesis statement for each section.
2/ Using comparison the the gain and lost for taking risk-- the trade-off of your examples from famous people must be more detailed to see the side if they unluckily successful for what they gave up everything to chase for as the risk is if they dont succeed. Explain about their success does not make the risk highlighted.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,174 3639  
Dec 24, 2018   #3
Andrey, when the essay prompt asked you to take a risk, what the instruction meant was for you to discuss something that you had taken a risk on. Something that will help the reviewer understand the kind of risk taker you are. Are you a non-risk taker, a moderate risk-taker, or a full-out, devil may care, I'll only live once kind of risk taker. You are not being asked to discuss risk, its factors, well-known risk takers, and the like. Your mindset as a person who takes a chance is what the reviewer wishes to get to know better in this essay. All of the essay prompts focus on one subject alone. YOU. You are always the main personality in all the essays because you are the one being interviewed for admission to the university. Not other people, not your understanding of others. Just you and your understanding of yourself. Don't muddle the issue. I can see why you might have been confused since the prompt is very general in coverage. You were right to ask for help because not everyone could have understood what the general prompt wanted in relation to specifics.

Home / Writing Feedback / Admission essay. The topic is - You have 650 words. Take a risk.