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IELTS task 2 - adolescents have to take part in campaigns to contribute to the community

minnadoan 1 / -  
Feb 15, 2020   #1

Teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the community

Some people believe that all adolescents have to take part in campaigns to help the community. Personally, I do not agree with this view.
There are various reasons why people believe that teenagers have to participate in social activities. Firstly, it is beneficial for the individual teenager who was shy, withdrawn and unconfident. For example, my current leader is an introverted person was at a loss to help deal with problems. Secondly, it is easier for them to apply to various universities and jobs because of their experiences and maturity. Finally, the society where there is a range of deprived areas and disadvantaged people need their help.

In spite of these arguments, I would argue that young people should not be forced to do unpaid work in their spare time. From my perspective, there are various ways to help the local community such as donating books or collecting money. Moreover, the youth can attain knowledge or sharpen their skills in their free time rather than work involuntarily. This helps them become wonderful citizens who will be wonderful sponsors for charity funds in the future. Last but not least, it is more effective for them to take part in social activities voluntarily.

In conclusion, the charity indeed makes our community better, but in my opinion, any compulsion in helping others should not be forced.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,345 2880  
Feb 15, 2020   #2
As you only wrote 223 words for this essay, it will be futile for me to review your work. You have not met the minimum word count. You are lacking a total of 27 words to reach the minimum word count. This will result in heavy deductions in your TA score, which will prevent you from reaching the 5 mark for the essay. The reason that you did not meet the minimum word requirement is simple, you did not properly paraphrase the essay. Had you properly represented the discussion and instructions in your first paragraph, the rest of your essay, which was not badly written, would have achieved at least a passing score. Next time, try to phrase the paragraph completely. For example, I would have said:

There has been a growing discussion regarding the suggestion that young people should be made to do compulsory work in their district when they are not busy with other things. The reason being that such activities can be a learning lesson for them, as the neighborhood benefits from their participation in improving their collective surroundings. I find myself in disagreement with this point of view.

As you can see, I was able to properly paraphrase the original prompt while using new sets of keywords that would boost my LR and GRA score. Let me get one things straight though, it is not enough to simply keep writing and producing a long essay. You need to make sure that the essay makes sense to the reader and that every word and sentence presented will increase your scoring potential. If you just keep writing to increase the word count, then it might work against your essay.

Your body of paragraphs are very well discussed. It should have helped you with your TA score, had you not written a short essay. By the way, your concluding statement should be composed of at least 3 sentences, producing a reverse paraphrase for the essay. This time, the conclusion should repeat your stance and reasons in the form of a single paragraph that closes the essay discussion.

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