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Adult decide to study because of interest in subject/max% cost shared by himself


Dish1 1 / 5  
Feb 1, 2014   #1
This is my first IELTS essay which I purplish in eassay forum. Please be kind enough to make correction and allocate the core for my eassy. Thanks.

The two charts present the result of a survey of adult education.The bar graph illustrates various reasons for adults' decision on education.The pie chart depicts how the cost of adults education should be shared.

The highest percentage of adults decide to study mainly because of interest in subject (40%) and to gain qualification (38%). Almost equal percentage of adults decide to study to help for their current job(22%) to improve prospects of promotion (20%) and enjoy for learning (20%). The least percentage of adults decide study to get change in job and meet people, 12% and 9% respectively.

According to the pie chart, 40% of course cost should be shared by the individual and it is the highest percentage out of total course cost.The employer and the tax payer should bare 35% and 25% respectively.

Overall, adult decide to study mainly because of interest in subject and maximum percentage of the course cost shared by individual himself.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 2, 2014   #2
There are a few things that you need to attend to. First, you should have opened this thread in the Writing Feedback forum. Second, you should have mentioned the purpose (IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) in the title itself so that other would provide you with more task related comments. Third, it is important that you upload the chart using the "Attach file(s)" feature in the message block. Please do it now because it is difficult to provide you with meaningful feedbacks without seeing your graph.
OP Dish1 1 / 5  
Feb 2, 2014   #3
Thanks. I'll do it.
tiaDS 73 / 235 52  
Feb 2, 2014   #4
Almost equal percentage of adults decide to study to help for their current job(22%) to improve prospects of promotion (20%) and enjoy for learning (20%).

I'm little confuse with your sentence above, is it true if i rewrite with the sentence below? please attach your picture.

The percentage of adults, who have purpose for current job, gains 22%, while improve prospect of promotion beats comparations with enjoy for learning (20%)
OP Dish1 1 / 5  
Feb 2, 2014   #5
This is my first essay which I purplish in eassay forum. Please be kind enough to make correction and allocate the core for my eassy. Thanks.

The two charts present the result of a survey of adult education.The bar graph illustrates various reasons for adults' decision on education.The pie chart depicts how the cost of adults education should be shared.

The highest percentage of adults decide to study mainly because of interest in subject (40%) and to gain qualification (38%). Almost equal percentage of adults decide to study to help for their current job(22%) to improve prospects of promotion (20%) and enjoy for learning (20%). The least percentage of adults decide study to get change in job and meet people, 12% and 9% respectively.

According to the pie chart, 40% of course cost should be shared by the individual and it is the highest percentage out of total course cost.The employer and the tax payer should bare 35% and 25% respectively.

Overall, adult decide to study mainly because of interest in subject and maximum percentage of the course cost should be shared by individual himself.
OP Dish1 1 / 5  
Feb 2, 2014   #6
I tried several tims upload the graph but unable to do that.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Feb 2, 2014   #7
In the Message block you will find the feature "Attach file(s)". Click on that and you would be asked to upload your image by choosing the path. Your image should be either JPG/GIF/PNG images and should not exceed 200 KB each.
Fardhani Putri 23 / 46 7  
Feb 2, 2014   #8
The two charts present the result of a survey of adult education.The bar graph illustrates various reasons for adults' decision on education.The pie chart depicts how the cost of adults education should be shared.

...its better if you paraphrase and linked the introduction.

The highest percentage of adults decide to study mainly because of interest in subject (40%) and to gain qualification (38%). Almost equal percentage of adults decide to study to help for their current job(22%) to improve prospects of promotion (20%) and enjoy for learning (20%).

....I think it is not appropriate if you write like this, because you have to tell "story" about the percentage and not just mention it

Good Luck for your next essays :)


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