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Adult life - there is no way back to the childhood when you grow up; [TOEFL]


penguin7er 1 / 1  
Sep 23, 2014   #1
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job

Thanks for your advice!

Parents are the people who care their children most, and all they expect their children is to grow up quickly and happily. There are many ways for teenage children to prepare for adult life, however, i don't think the way which encourage their children to engage in a part-time job is a best way.

Firstly, teenagers are students. They are during the right and best time to study knowledge. Taking a part-time job will surely cost a lot of time of them, which may lead to a negative consequence in their grade. As we know that, studying and getting a good score are definitive in one's life, at least play a significant role. Getting in a famous university, finding a satisfied job or even getting promoted are all related to an adult life and require a good the grade. Therefore, it is far more important to put study the first place in student life. When participating a part-time job is having conflict with study, choosing the former one may help the children prepare adult life better. [..]

cpdphilippe 4 / 7 2  
Sep 23, 2014   #2
Hey went back and read your essay some of your wording is very confusing and complicated. Some of your sentences are broken sentences and fragments. You need to go back and read this essay out loud to yourself and realize your mistakes.

Firstly, teenagers are students. They are during the right and best time to study knowledge. Taking a part-time job will surely cost a lot of time of them, which may lead to a negative consequence in their grade.

Teenagers are students this is the most formative points of their lives. Taking a part time job while attending school maybe, difficult because they may not be able to manage both. Working a part time job while attending school may lead to negative consequences such as their grades slipping.

Take my friend Lily as an example. Her parents push her into a part-time job that waiting at a fast food restaurant. She is not willing to do this job and even has no preparation to have this experience. Consequently, she produced a feeling of afraid, afraid of contacting to the costumers older than her, and not willing to participate in this kind of activity any more. Her parents, though good intention they had, unconsciously left a bad effect on their children.

Take my friend Lily who was pushed by her parents to get a part time job at a fast food restaurant waiting tables.She wasn't very willing to do this job she was very afraid and nervous to approach customers. While her parents intended on her learning from working and gaining experience working it did the complete opposite hurting her more than helping.
hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Sep 23, 2014   #3
Firstly, teenagers are students.

Do not use the sentence which is clear like this.

Firstly, teenagers are students. They are during the right and best time to study knowledge.

It is a good idea to combine to sentences.
OP penguin7er 1 / 1  
Sep 24, 2014   #4
Your advice is so useful :)


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