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IELTS Writing Task 2 - Adults and students are working and studying from home


danh55162 1 / -  
Nov 23, 2021   #1
Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible.

DO YOU THINK THIS IS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.


In many countries, since technology are becoming more and more easy to access with cheaper price, many adults start working from home, and also, their children, beginning to study at home with their parents. In my view, this is a negative development which can bring prolonged consequences with not much benefits.

First of all, only staying at home while working or studying could cause health problems, which are mental issues and physical health. To clarify, humanity need social contact to co-exist, and that is also true with children and adults. Without meeting with their colleagues and students, it's likely for a person to deal with bad emotions like depressions. Additionally, as people need to use phones and computers while doing their job. Those technological devices could be detrimental to your eyes, back, and other parts of your body. As a consequence, these harmful effects will put a big strain on not only people but also the society as a whole.

On the other hand, working and studying remotely can leads to low quality in action. Some principal problems of this may include frictions at home like noise, household chores, with full sources of frustration from your house. Secondly, despite the increasing growth of technology, they still have drawbacks including low internet bandwith or lack of interaction, which can affect the ability of concentration and overall performances.

In conclusion, besides lots of advantages we achieve from technology, it is also true that this development is a backward move and should be considerably changed to alter the situation.

Thanks for spending your precious time with me.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,948 3858  
Nov 24, 2021   #2
since technology are becoming more and more easy to access with cheaper price,

Wrong reasoning. This question tests your knowledge of current events. How you relate the pandemic, Covid - 19, and its aftermath in the workplace and school system would have been the more appropriate reasoning for this discussion. However, since this is just the opening paraphrase, you need not present your reasons in the restatement. You only need to restate the original topic, without your thesis reasons yet. The reason should have been a part of your opinion presentation. By presenting your opinion this early, you accidentally altered the topic presentation and discussion basis.

On the other hand,

Incorrect transition phrase. You cannot say this because you have not changed your point of view. You are still prsenting supporting information in relation to your opinion. The correct transition word would have been "Additionally" to indicate supplementary information.

Please note that you indicated a cheaper price in your prompt restatement, yet you did not mention this again in the reasoning paragraph. This creates a disconnection between the opening statement and the rest of the discussion. These 3 sections must always relate and create cohesive discussion paragraphs. The reasons must always help build up the correctness of your opinion.


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