The advance of technology make many alterations in people's life

Questions : The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationship between people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The advance of technology make many alterations in people's life. The positive effect of electronic media is making people who are separated feels like they do not live in distance. In contrast, modern technology also has drawback like making personal relationship become further. I would argue that electronic devices has more negative aspect than positive one.

In the past, it was impossible to have direct conversation in long distance relationship, they only can send a letter or fax. Right now, because of sophisticated technology, people can communicate with others face-to-face also can meet in screen by using face time or skype. These kind of applications really help inhabitant to get wider communication with others in different continents.

On the other hand, modern technology like internet also has a bad side to personal relationship. They careless to other and only care for their cellphones. For instance, many people who hang out in a cafe with their friends tend to hold their mobile phone while they talk with their friend. Another is internet have a tendency for leading people to crime. Some crime cases are caused by internet. At first, they know each other by using social media then they meet in the real life and finally crime happens. Many reports of sexual harassment or rape happen because of the corrosive effect of internet.

In conclusion, merit and demerit effect of electronic media influence people's live.Although advance technology make communication more fluent between people, it can make others lose their empathy to their friends and family also can increase crime.

The advance of technology makes many alterations ...

The A positive effect (...) who are separated feels

modern technology also has a drawback like making ...

... a bad side to personal relationships

They are careless to others and only care for their

... effect of electronic media have influenced people's live

advanced technology

please correct me if i'm wrong
can + verb --> "also" is placed in between
can + be + noun --> "also" is placed before "can"
internet should be followed by "the"

face-to-face also can meetcan also meet in screen by using face time or skype

... modern technology also has a drawback like making ...
I would argue that electronic devices has more ... (i suggest you to mention the internet on introduction, so reader could know where your statement will flow)

These kind of applications really help inhabitant ...

They possibly could be a careless to other and ...
Another is the internet havehas a tendency for ...
... they meet in the real life and finally crime happens. (it will be powerful if you tell WHY people do crime by accessing the internet)

In conclusion, merit and demerit effect of electronic media influence people's live. ( i suppose if you write your recommendation, it will be more powerful)