Unanswered [17] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

The advanced technology in food production has made them produced fastly with many additives.


ashelarisa48 36 / 52 4  
Aug 26, 2016   #1
Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?


Unhealthy lifestyle, especially in food, has affected many children to consume poor food. The advanced technology in food production has made some foods produced fastly with many additives. Certainly, both schools and parents have responsibility to prevent this case. Besides that, two other parties that have to control it are government and food industry.

Children age is a stage of human life that they can not distinguish a good and bad thing yet. Their thought is still immature to decide on something. Therefore, they are easier to choose some unhealthy meals to eat even though it consists of additives such as flavouring, colouring and artificial sweeteners.

These four groups -government, food industry, schools and parents- have to pay more attention to solve this problem together but appropriate with each role. Government, as the first power of a country, have to supervise the food manufacture and make a regulation about the food production. They have to ban unhealthy food distribution. The food factory should produce a healthy product, not only notice to the taste but also care about the nutrition. Schools should provide a sanitary canteen for student and deliver the information about health food regularly. Then, one that also important is the parent's role to take care of their children's meal such as preparing a healthy lunchbox and teaching them to be aware in the risk of unhealthy food consumption.

In conclusion, all parties have to take action to face this case start from now. If these four elements work together to prevent it, the children will be protected by unhealthy lifestyle.
daya23 4 / 4  
Aug 26, 2016   #2
Hi Ela,

I suggest you to more paraphrasing the question in introduction, using different vocabs will give you much score. Thus, give your opinion in same paragraph with I believe, in my opinion, etc.
Fadhilahumar91 61 / 73 6  
Aug 26, 2016   #3
hi...

These four groupsare responsible to children lifestyle that is government, food industry, schools and parents. they have to pay (...) problem together but appropriate with each role.

... of a country have to supervise the food manufacture and make a regulation about the food production.
The food factory should produce a healthy products, (...) also care about the nutrition.
... deliver the information about health healthy food regularly . Then, one that also important thing is the parent's role to take care (...) to be aware in the risk of unhealthy food consumption.

thank you


Home / Writing Feedback / The advanced technology in food production has made them produced fastly with many additives.