Advantage of mass communication in the 21st century

Dear all,

Appreciate your help to evaluate my below essay

Today we are living in the 21st century. It will not be exaggerated to say that media has influenced every aspect of our life. Due to the advancement in technology various means of mass media is coming into existence.

Mass media play a numerous roles in modern world. Considering, in terms of entertainment role of TV cannot be forgotten. It is not only the efficient source of entertainment, but also the cheaper one . Hardly we can find any social family who is not getting entertained through TV. It has drastically bought down the cultural and lingual barriers between two nations. Besides this, TV play a much appreciable role in spreading news and updating news across the world and thus it is a import part of today's world.

Secondly in terms of communication, share of mass media is para excellence. Due to advance in internet technology and mobile communication we are in continuous touch of all events happening around the world. Internet has broadened the frontier of knowledge by dispensing us a big spectrum of knowledge. For instance, today we can access any short of article of any subject right from your home and hence, or communication world has been transformed to a great extent.

In conclusion, by seeing above discussion, i agree with notion that mass communication is one of the back bones of this century and plays an import role in our daily life.

Hi Ravindra,
As a novice editor, here is some advice.

Today we are living in the 21st century. It will not be exaggerated to say that media has influenced every aspect of our life. Due to the advancement in technology various means of mass media is coming into existence.

Living in the 21st century, it would not be an exaggeration to state that media influences every aspect of our life. Advances in technology, has resulted in a pervasive mass media, accessible to almost everyone.

For starters...
Good luck!

I can help you with your essay. I would like to start with the first paragraph. If you want to keep the second sentence in your essay, I would state:" It is not an exaggeration to state that the media has influenced every aspect of our life." Would you like to make the next sentence in the past tense? You could change it to: "Due to advancement in technology, various means of mass communication have come into existence."

2nd paragraph: You use mass media so role should be singular. Ex:" Mass media plays a role in the modern world." The next sentence is confusing. Do you mean that the role of entertainment on TV shouldn't be forgotten? Are you trying to describe that entertainment is efficient and cheap? Delete hardly. You should describe it this way: It is rare to find a family... I'm unsure what nations you are describing. You could delete "two". If you make this correction, no further explanation is needed. The next sentence play should be "plays" and import changed to "important".

3rd paragraph: Place a comma after "Second". Do you mean the sharing of mass media is excellent? Chanel part of this sentence, "Due to advancement in the internet and mobile communication, we...". The next sentence add "The" before internet. I think you mean "giving us a broad spectrum of knowledge." The next sentence, change your to "our" Some words can be deleted:..." hence, communication has been transformed to a great extent."

4th paragraph: The conclusion needs some work. There is very little information to summarize television, the internet, and mass media. Delete "by seeing above discussion. Add "the" before notion. Change import to important.

The third paragraph has an error. The word Chanel should be Change. Change that sentence so the sentence will be easier to read.

Dear all,

Thanks a lot for spending your precious time to evaluate my essays, I really appreciate your all helps. I am much interested in learning English.Though i am a beginner but having a great enthusiasm to learn English....Seeking your kind help going forward as well :)

Thanks

Please write your prompt completely. By doing so, I am more easily to share valuable feedback.


This paragraph is good. Still, it is too weak since you did not have a thesis to support your claim. Write your introductory paragraph with the following steps:

1. Background information. When it comes to IELTS or TOEFL essay, your task is to simply paraphrase the prompt, as this can be used as a bridge to start the essay, commonly known as background information.

2 Thesis statement with outlined main ideas. The is the main important point in your essay. Prior to ending your introduction, you need to show your claim towards the issue, which is going to be explain further in the following essay.


Good. Yet, you need to express your point of view with in-depth discussion so as to support your topic sentence. I did not even find any detailed information regarding the main idea. To have profound supporting ideas, I suggest using journalistic questions, such as how, why, what, when, where, and when.


OK. I have seen that you stated an example as your supporting details, but then this is too general. Make it more specific by asking some journalistic questions; 5W1H. Let me give a try for this;

- Who: University students
- When: Nowadays
- Where: Zaria, Nigeria
- What: accessing internet freely, since the city council provides public service 24-free Wi-Fi hotpots.
- How: With 3G mobile phone to gain internet connection everywhere.
- Result: digital academic documents available
A 2015 University of Indonesia shows that almost all university scholars in Zaria, Nigeria nowadays are easily to reach good internet connection since city council provides public service 24-free Wi-Fi hotpots freely. With mobile phone, pupils merely sign up for 3G so as to gain internet connection everywhere. Almost all schools have free broadband with an ethernet plug in the classrooms, so personal computers could be connected anytime students need. If students have no cable, then schools provide it with free cost. As a result, international reading materials, documents and journals which are available to all students at no cost has changed the face of education in Zaria.


Here, not only do you restate the thesis statement, but you also summarize the main points of body paragraphs, so recall all the aforementioned evidence. What's more, some students also raise personal thoughts; recommendation, fears, or hopes.

Hope this helps, eddy suaib.