Thanks in advance for correcting my essay.
==================================================-
It is true that the most striking feature of the present century is the process of science. Many great inventions have been born and one of the greatest advances in modern technology has been the invention of computer and computer games. Computer games are being used to provide numerous helpful benefits. They help us to treat a variety of disorders and disabilities, to make us have fun and entertainment, and serve a range of educational functions.
The most important aspect of playing computer games is treating some diseases. Researchers are finding that computer games can be actually tweaked to treat people with phobias. The belief behind this treatment method is that exposing people to the source of their fear with in a controlled environment may actually lead to a cure. Two of the most common phobias that have been treated with computer games are a fear of confined spaces and heights. Teachers have found that computer games specifically prepared for language disabilities provide a unique way for children to overcome their disabilities.
Another important aspect is that computer games providing us to have fun. When we are very bored tired or stressed, Computer games are good source of enjoyment. Moreover, we have fun playing computer games because they give us time to be with our friends. It is a great opportunity to socialize. We can talk with our friends about other things at the same time. In addition, when we spend time with our friends and relax with friends, we have more energy for other work.
Last but not least, Computer games serve a range of educational functions. Computer games encourage different ways of learning, imagination, creativity and exploration. For example, Simulation games could be used as a means of preparing learners for the world of work. Computer games also help pupils to develop key learning skills such as cognitive process, logical thinking and independent decision making.
To sum up, Computer games have a main role in our lives. We can use of them for therapy disease, having fun and educating better. Who could deny the necessity of computer games?
Hello!
I would suggest that you rearrange the order of the middle three paragraphs so that the importance of computer games builds up, from "fun" (paragraph #3) to "educational" (paragraph #4) to "healing" (paragraph #2.)
Also, review your main points with more detail for your conclusion to be most effective.
Some other suggestions:
It is true thatT he most striking feature of the present century is the process of science.
The belief behind this treatment method is that exposing people to the source of their fear within a controlled environment may actually lead to a cure. Two of the most common phobias that have been treated with computer games are claustrophobia, or a fear of confined spaces, and acrophobia, a fear of heights.
Another important aspect is that computer games allow us to have fun. When we are very bored, tired or stressed, c omputer games are a good source of enjoyment.
Keep going!
Many great inventions have been born and one of the greatest advances in modern technology has been the invention of computers and computer games.
The most important aspect of playing computer games is in treating some diseases.
Researchers are finding that computer games can actually be tweaked to treat people with phobias.
The belief behind this treatment method is that exposing people to the source of their fear within a controlled environment may actually lead to a cure.
Two of the most common phobias that have been treated with computer games are a fear of confined spaces and fear of heights.
Another important aspect is that computer games provide us with fun.
When we are very bored, tired or stressed, computer games are a good source of enjoyment.
Last but not least, computer games serve a range of educational functions.
For example, simulation games could be used as a means of preparing learners for the world of work.
To sum up, computer games have a main role in our lives. We can make use of them for therapy, disease, having fun and better education .
You certainly made some good points! I never realized that part about helping people deal with phobias.
Watch out for how you use capital letters, as you sometimes use them where they are not needed.
:)
Wow, an entire essay on the advantages of computer games that doesn't mention a single computer game by name. That's a problem. You need to provide specific examples of the sorts of games you have in mind for each paragraph. Mention the games you have in mind, and explain how they work to accomplish the things you say games in general do, and your essay will be much stronger.
Right on, Sean. In my opinion, though, you don't have to cite specific games, but rather specific examples of video game use. For instance, there are nursing homes employing the use of the Nintendo Wii, as it is gaming based on physical movement, allowing the elderly to participate in both sport activities and technology. Go to Google Images and type in "Nintendo Wii In Nursing Homes" to see what I mean.
And would it really hurt to then name a Wii game or two that would be particularly useful in this regard? The more specific you get, the better.
Great example, btw, Ned.
Definitely, the "Nintendo Wii".
I do agree with Ned that you should rearrange the mid-three paragraphs, as cumulative progression.
When you write that Computer games are a great way to socialise and spend time with friends I suggest you include a contesting view. You can then counter argue this view, backed up by some evidence. This would give your essay much more substance. If you do not wish to do that, you should at least be more specific which kind of computer games you mean, because many games can only be played on single player mode.
Philip
I would definitely bring up the differences between watching TV and playing computer games.
I have heard many people speak out against computer games saying that they are a waste of time or turn people into "zombies." I think that watching TV is alot worse than playing computer games in these regards. This is because TV is just straight input for your brain. Images flash before your eyes while you sit there and do absolutely nothing. Computer games, on the other hand, are a mixture of input and output for your brain as the player is required to recieve input from the game and output his/her response to the input. In that sense, video games are much or engaging and challenging than watching television.
I hate it when people who watch TV everyday complain about how video games are a waste of time.
But then, of course, you need to look at what sort of television programming is being watched. Watching the sort of programs that come up on the Discovery Channel is arguably more educational than chasing renderings of aliens around a map trying to shoot them. Of course, trying to solve puzzles in a well designed RPG is arguably more educational than watching an episode of the Young and the Restless, or any other day time soap, for that matter. So, perhaps like most technology, video games can be good or bad depending upon how they are designed, and whether they are used in moderation or excess?
Yes, of course I understand that. I just happen to know a couple of elderly folks who always scold me when I play Starcraft when they are sitting on the couch watching Days of Our Lives.
In that case, your point is well taken. Starcraft involves a fair amount of strategy, and is surely more worthwhile than Days of Our Lives. Of course, I think most things are more worthwhile than watching soaps, so I might be a bit biased.
You might also try changing up some of your sentences. Most of them have a subject of "computer games". That gives the paragraphs a rather repetitive feel. Also, try to stay away from basic overused words.
"When we are very bored tired or stressed, Computer games are good source of enjoyment ."
Words like very, and good are overused and should be avoided. Even enjoyment could be spiced up to something like amusment, a diversion, or even a thrill.
Other than that, I enjoyed your essay!
Does the Wii count as a COMPUTER game? That aside my only suggestion is that you could mention the life saving benefits of video games. This would only work if the topic was video games in general unless you could show how games like the Wii are computer games. It has been shown that doctors who play video games (I don't remember if it was a certain type of video game) make X% fewer mistakes in surgery. (I don't remember the exact percentage so I put "X")
That's a point -- computer games would seem to imply PC games only. I just sort of assumed that you meant videogames in general, as there really isn't a great deal of difference between PCs and videogame consoles any more.
To make your essay a bit stronger in view point you could list a few well known negative views found quite often in the media and perhaps counter it with a positive view point.
For example, "It is widely remarked that playing computer games encourages people to be lazy and is turning us into a nation of couch potato's. However this is no longer the case as we have gaming consoles such as the Nintendo Wii which encourage social activity and promote general exercise."
