Toys for children
Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.
What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys ?
There are widely differing views on the issue of whether parents nowadays usually buy too much toys for their children or not. Parents used to buy toys for children as a reward if they got good grade or as a present in some specific holidays, like the Christmas. I think having toys is important for children, but having too many toys would be a problem. In this essay, I intend to explore the advantages and disadvantages of this issue.
Having different kind of toys is helpful for children's intelligence development since they have to good at some skills to play the toys well, for example, puzzle games require a great logic ability. Computer games of specific type, like real-time strategy games require highly concentration and strategy planning ability to win the game. Since parents provide many different kind of toys for their children, it is inevitable that they would have plenty of toys.
Though having many different kinds of toys or games definitely provide some advantages, however, there also some disadvantages for having too much toys. The most worst case is that parents intend to let toys to replace their role if they don't have enough time to accompany with their children, so buying toys becomes a kind of compensation behavior for these parents. In fact, this behavior is not really helpful for improving the relationship with their children, they still need to spend some time to interact with their children in daily life. Besides, many toys are often discarded by children when they grow up, since they don't play them anymore. Many of these abandoned toys are made by plastic, and they certainly threaten our environment when they become garbage.
By way of conclusion, I think parent's attitude about toys is the key factor of whether they will give too many toys to their children. My suggestion about this issue is: Thinking carefully before you buy toys for your children. The rule is not just limited to toys, also appliable for everything.
Hu, unless otherwise requested specifically in the essay prompt, do not include information such as a personal point of view. If the prompt does not require the information, then that is an irrelevant presentation that can negatively affect the overall assessment of your paper. Do not get used to writing the essay with the parenthetical identification as you have now. Just write smooth and continuous paragraphs without identifying marks. The examiner doesn't need that in his assessment of your work and neither do we as reviewers of your work. If you get used to this format of essay presentation, you may continue to do it in the actual test, which would be a very bad idea.
All of your paragraphs require more discussion presentation. Develop your line of reasoning by an additional one to two sentences so that you can create a cohesive and coherent paragraph. Don't forget the transition sentences at the end in order to smoothen the presentation from one paragraph of information to another. Do these minimal corrections to your work and yo should improve your scoring considerations as well. All of your topic sentences are good, the problem is in the discussion presentation.