Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback % width Posts: 3

IELTS Task 2: Advantages and Disadvantages - Children enjoy playing video game.


rosincent 1 / 1  
Mar 26, 2020   #1
Hey, this is my first time to submit essay on this website. It quite hard for me to improve writing skill so i hope i can learn from you guys. Thank you! And here is the topic:

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games

What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?



As the world adjusts its sails to the winds of the Fourth Industrial Revolution, computers have become a huge breakthrough in human life, which has led to a debatable issue - more and more offspring are using computers as a way to entertain themselves. Playing digital games would certainly provide many benefits but it's important to pay attention to any possible drawbacks.

On the one hand, the positive aspects of gaming could go far beyond finding a sense of enjoyment. First, playing video games is a key strategy for coping with stress that can help children to manage negative feelings like anger and misery. To be specific, players could accomplish attainable objectives in the game, which help create feelings of gratification. Second, contrary to conventional beliefs that playing video games is intellectually lazy and sedating, it turns out that playing these games promotes cognitive abilities, among which action and 3D games are typical examples. A recent study by Cambridge University found that gamers exhibit a better range of analogy, processing speed, and mathematical intelligence than non-gamers do.

On the other hand, there are some negative impacts when offspring devote much of their free time to playing digital games. Like other media, video games have been the subject of objections for depictions of violence and criminal activities. There is ample evidence to show that young people who have had greater exposure to violence while gaming ended up behaving more aggressively towards people in the social environment. Moreover, being so enthralled in the fantasy world of games for hours could lead to game addiction, which might harm children's health. For example, addicted minors will often avoid sleeping or eating proper meals to continue gaming, which could eventually lead to a sleep disorder or diet-related health issues.

In conclusion, although people have different perspectives on the utilization of computers in entertainment for children, it is worth considering that this advancement has its own merits and demerits.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 26, 2020   #2
Your prompt paraphrase needs work. The prompt paraphrase is only used to show that you understood the original discussion topic and are capable of restating it in an original manner. There is absolutely no need to go into topic deviations such as the 4th Industrial Revolution and the like. The paraphrasing of this topic is actually quite simple and straightforward. Allow me to show you a better sample of how you could have approached this discussion:

The ease by which people can acquire personal computers for entertainment purposes have had an effect on kids. Kids are now spending most of their time playing electronic games. An activity that appears to have both a good and bad side for the youngsters.

Even educators admit that gamers exhibit a better range of analogy, processing speed, and mathematical intelligence than non-gamers do... A negative aspect related to these advantages are that being so enthralled in the f...diet-related health issues.

Even as these interactive games promote online socialization via virtual worlds where... the same games are seen to stunt the emotional growth of its players. It is believed that video games have been the subject of objections for depictions of violence and criminal activities...


Do you see what I did there? I connected 2 topics in every reasoning paragraph. Thus fulfilling the "advantages / disadvantages" discussion each time. When you discuss these types of essays, look for reasons that can have both the pro and con discussion presented in a related manner. That way the discussion is connected, strengthening your C&C discussion score in the process.
OP rosincent 1 / 1  
Mar 26, 2020   #3
@Holt
Hi, I've read your response. Thank you for helping me to check this essay. Whenever I start writing, there's always been some struggles to write the introduce easily, and also for the body. Because I will mess it up and try to think about something that does not important. Anyway, I really appreciate your comment. Thank you!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Advantages and Disadvantages - Children enjoy playing video game.