Hi! I'm grateful to be a part of this supportive community. Already got 7.5 for IELTS writing on my last attempt and I'm aiming for an 8 for writing this time. Please have a look at my essay and let me know what I can improve on. Really appreciate your input. Thank you very much!
The impact of living in different places on children
Essay Type: Advantages & Disadvantages
Topic: The nuclear family is well adapted to move geographical due to its size. Do you think children benefit in any way from moving? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is perceived that the traveling lifestyle fits conjugal families well because of their convenient size. This essay will argue that the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks. This essay will first demonstrate how the experience of moving enhances children's understanding of the world as well as their problem-solving skills, followed by an analysis of how the primary disadvantage, namely the disruption of a child's education can be tackled by the homeschooling option.
Firstly, the crucial advantage of moving geographically for people at an early age is the understanding and appreciating of cultural differences. Through living in different countries, they learn to immerse themselves in new cultures, get exposed to various religious traditions, and communicate to people with different points of view. As a result, they will be more likely to become the true citizens of the world and can adapt well to life in any country they choose to live. For example, a new study showed that children who traveled with their parents from a young age have developed better cultural sensitivity than those who did not, thus being able to connect and expand their network easily. Living in different countries also forces the kids to cope with a variety of new challenges: making new friends, learning new languages, eating new foods....These experiences turn them into excellent problem solvers in all aspects of their lives. For instance, recent research in America also pointed out that people who traveled a lot when they were young have found more success in their careers thanks to their exceptional problem-solving skills.
Those opposed to this say that moving frequently disrupts the children's education when they have to keep on adjusting to a new school every time their parents move to a new place. However, this can be solved by the homeschooling alternative. Thanks to the continuous rapid innovation of technology, now parents can equip their children with cutting-edge knowledge through online study courses and resources.
On balance, the fact that living in different places from an early age develops the children's awareness of the world around them and their decision-making skills clearly outweighs the concern regarding the children's study.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 13,021 4243
I find it hard to believe that you scored a 7.5 in your first take of the test. Not with the way that this essay is written all over the place and without an actual focus on the discussion prompt instructions. Not only that, but you wrote 375 words. You, an experienced test taker should know the hand written limitation of writing within the 40 minute time frame. Do not try to deceive me. You did not get that score on the test that you took. You are a test retaker, nothing more. By the way. you are far from getting an 8 with this presentation. Don't try to psych out the people here. You are not telling the truth about your test score or your writing abilities.
The sentence limit is 5 sentences per paragraph. You are again, showing how you are trying to lie to people here by over writing in your paragraphs. You are to write on point, in the quickest way possible. You are writing an academic opinion paper with preset parameters. Stick with the guidelines. Do not think yourself extra special. You do not have a place here if you already scored that well in your first attempt. Just do what you did the first time and you will score an 8. Or so you think.
You do not need help. You are trying to show off for no reason. The mere fact that you changed the prompt discussion requirements already shows that you failed the first test. Otherwise your English comprehension skills would have been at the point where you knew exactly what the essay is asking you to discuss and how, without going overboard.
It will be difficult to advise you because I know you are not here to learn. Go and take the test. You probably think you will pass this time anyway.
To @Holt: First of all, thank you for taking your time to give me feedback. However, I find it very inappropriate to frame someone you barely know with "lying" by your subjective opinion and use personal attacks like "Do not think yourself extra special"... I came here with the intention to learn but it seems like I came to the wrong place. To be honest, if you have so much hate to put out into the world and you think everyone is pretentious, you may need to work with yourself first before giving people feedback.