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What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching TV? IELTS


uzboy 9 / 29  
Apr 12, 2014   #1
Give your mark as IELTS.
What are the advantages and disadvantages for children of watching television? Discuss both sides.

watching television benefits for kids



These days, watching TV is quite common habit for young people. Especially children like watching television and spend over time sitting in front of it. However, there are both pros and cons to do this indoor activity. In further paragraphs I will point out both sides and try to draw some conclusions.

I will start by looking at the superiorities for young generation of television. One of the main positives is that it makes them cleverer and helps to create fast-paced brainstorm. What I mean by this is that there are a lot of educational and interactive programs. By watching documentaries and adventure ones they can broaden their horizons. Secondly, there are also recreational programs that consist of films and cartoons which juveniles do like and want to watch them every day. They can learn and understand human dignity by seeing movies which show good and bad attitudes of people and make also conclusions about them for audience.

Turning to the other side of the argument, staring at TV set for several hours can lead negative effects. Many teenagers who spend much time for watching TV might feel a bit sense of isolation, because this is inner action and there are no interactive relationships with their friends or others. Another issue is that it can affect their health. For instance, it may harm their eyesight due to over-watching. In addition, it can also lead no physical exercises that are very important for their well-being and growing-up period. Moreover, we cannot always see useful programs and there is nonsense ones as well which are waste of time.

Having looked at both sides, television is full of profitable information. We need to form right timetable to recline in front of TV for our children. Personally, I believe the benefits in terms of watching television outnumbered any drawbacks.

Shokhusrav 10 / 27  
Apr 12, 2014   #2
Very good essay! Keep it up)
I haven't found any big mistakes!
However, you should pay attention for punctuations
Thomas1948 2 / 3 1  
Apr 12, 2014   #3
Excellent essay. You were definitely coherent and organized. Futhermore, your vocabulary is quite extense. The only problem that I could find is that you introduced new information in the conclusion by mentioning the timetable for watching TV. This can drop you some point, because the conclusion should be drawn for the paragraphs as some kind summary of the essay. Anything else is great.
OP uzboy 9 / 29  
Apr 12, 2014   #4
@Shokhusrav
Thank you! Give a IELTS band score by yourself, please!

@Thomas1948
Thank you very much, Thomas! Could you give a mark as IELTS by yourself?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 12, 2014   #5
In further paragraphs I will point out both sides and try to draw some conclusions.

This sentence does not add much value to your essay. The reader anyway expects you to do that in forthcoming body paras and therefore this sounds a bit too stereotype :(

It is nicer and more effective to conclude your introduction with a clear statement that conveys your opinion on the issue to the reader. That helps you keep convincing the reader why you hold that opinion.
OP uzboy 9 / 29  
Apr 12, 2014   #6
Hi dumi!

thank you for good tips. What do you think it is worth 6-score?
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 12, 2014   #7
Well dear, I am not really good with giving scores as I do not have any such experience. However, I can tell you that you'd reach a very good score if you follow this structure of a good essay (see my profile).
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Apr 13, 2014   #8
I suggest you to leave a blank line between your paragraphs so that the reader can quickly identify what your intro, body paras and the conclusion are. It helps you improve presentation a lot and I am sure your examiner too would like it :)

I will start by looking at the superiorities for young generation of television.

... this sentence is very confusing.... do not try out unknown words because if you use inappropriate words to express an idea, it would distort the whole idea. The reader cannot get any sense from the above sentence. Write a simple sentence to get your idea across to the reader. Remember, clarity is the most important thing in writing!
OP uzboy 9 / 29  
Apr 13, 2014   #9
Just I asked your opinion. thanks again, dumi!

thank you, Pahan!
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 13, 2014   #10
No worries... In my view, you need to attend to few things for you to go for a desirable score ;
1. Pay attention to grammar - this is very very important
2. Be more concerned about presenting your ideas clearly to the reader - for the start, write simple short sentences limiting one idea per sentence.
3. Follow the structure I proposed. That is a very easy way to handle this task :)
Abdurasul 32 / 86 4  
Apr 13, 2014   #11
Well done!
I think you will get for this essay 6 or 6.5 scores! Of course, if you did well with time)


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