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IELTS2: advantages and disadvantages of distance learning; time and transportation / useless classes


KarunaTruong 3 / 5 2  
Jul 8, 2016   #1
Universities and colleges are now offering qualifications through distance learning from the Internet rather than teachers in the classroom. Do you think the advantage of this development this overweight the disadvantages?

Essay
The development of Internet and technology have provided many opportunities for student around the world to attend a class where it is not compulsory to attend in person. These program are most introduced by universities and educations globally, many courses are available due to the need of students. I strongly think that the benefit of this program can pass the disadvantages of it.

First of all, it cannot be denied that not every students have time and transportation to go to class, the online courses have solved this problem perfectly. This course give the ability for pupils to learn everywhere, anytime and economize the fees. The requirement of these are very simple, it prevent unnecessary stages for users. For example, I need a fast course in learning Biology but my school was not provide it or it was so far that I cannot attend class regularly, which will affect the result of my study, so I enquire for an online class by a well-known institution. The fees was reasonable and the quality was acceptable, on top of that, it was in charged by a famous profession in that school.Moreover, distance learning gives student opportunity to access the lesson in case they cannot attend to class. In addition, these online learning is more and more popular to students as well as their parents.

On the other hand, the normal class has also have many benefits too. Normal classes are class with real teacher, who will take of us until the end of the semester. There is an ethical argument about replacing teachers with robotic technology. However, this is the worst idea ever. Teacher are human, maybe they are not perfect at all individuals, but they have emotion, they care for their students, while the robot are cold-blooded, emotionless, all they do is following a program written from the beginning. This is no different from online classes, if teachers are not keep in touch with their students in person, they cannot help the students to improve their skills. Furthermore, quality of the course is also a hard question to answer, the increasing of students' need have led to to uncontrollably wide-spreading of unofficial institution. Online course is like gamble, if you are lucky, you can attend a well-qualified class with enthusiasm teacher, but if you are not, it will be a waste of time and money.

In conclusion, the advantages and disadvantages of the online distance learning is unavoidable. However, I strongly believe that the advantages of this program can overweight the disadvantages. From my point of view, the acknowledge of these program can help students and elders prevent the useless classes, and when a class is opened, it should be assure to achieve the qualification for the students.

ps: please help me correct this essay. recently, my band score is 5.5, I need a 6.5 bands score. So please check this essay, thank you all

ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jul 8, 2016   #2
Truong, there are four essential criteria of scoring in IELTS task 2. Those are Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, and Grammatical range and accuracy. Each part covers 25% of your final grade. I can see why did you get only 5.5 in IELTS writing. At first glance, there were many errors relating to lexical resource, and grammatical range and accuracy. These two essential criteria covers 50% of your score. Therefore, I would like to point out the most noticeable weakness of your essay with hope that in the next practice you will improve your score.

You have lots of problems relating to singular/plural nouns that should be fixed. The descriptions below would make it all clear:
1st paragraph:
- ...many opportunities for studentS around the world... (we are talking about a lot of students, so that "student" should in its plural form)

- These programS are... ("these" should be followed by plural noun)
- I strongly think that the benefitS of this program can pass the disadvantages of it. (should be "benefits". How come 1 benefit can surpass many disadvantages? besides, your third paragraph mention "many benefits")

2nd paragraph:
- ...denied that not every students have time.. ("every" should be followed by singular noun)
- This course giveS the ability for... (singular noun should be followed by Verb+s/es in the positive form of simple present tense)

3rd paragraph:
- ...the normal class has also havehad many benefits too. (this is past participle)
- TeacherS are human... ("are" followed by plural noun)
- the acknowledgement of these programS can... (word formation problem, acknowledge (verb) should be in noun form (acknowledgement). "These" should be followed by plural noun)

There you have it Truong, I think that I would completely assess your essay if you have already overcome these grammatical problems. Besides, this is too bulky for an IELTS task 2 essay. 300 - 350 words maximum would be enough rather than 457 words. Good luck for the next practice :) (Remember, an IELTS writing practice is not revising the previous essay, but you need to write a new one)
akbartaufiq25 7 / 81 54  
Jul 8, 2016   #3
Hello Truong, I would like to give additional insights in accordance to the above comment from one of our contributors. To enhance your essay further, you should pay attention to the scoring rubrics of IELTS writing, such as task response, coherence and cohesion, lexical resource, as well as grammatical range and accuracy which I explain as follows.

Task response: I think you have no problem with this aspect since your essay answer the prompt properly.
Coherence and cohesion: I found that there are lots of transitional phrases (especially in the second and third paragraph) in your writing. Using transition signals can make your essay looks better, well-structured, and the ideas can be linked smoothly as well. No need to put it in every sentence in a paragraph.

Lexical resource: I can see some academic words that you used in the essay. Also, putting more academic words will not hurt you. Still, you need to pay attention to the diction because putting inappropriate diction will affect the essay in terms of the meaning.

Grammatical range and accuracy: I found that there are some problems of grammar in the essay. The following are some issues of grammar I found:

"..are mostly introduced by universities.."
"This course gives the ability.."
".. it prevents unnecessary stages for users.."
"..the normal class has also have many benefits as well."
"..enthusiasmenthusiastic teacher.."
"..the acknowledgement of.."
"..it should be assured .."

I hope this will help you to improve your writing as well as elevate your score in the next examination. Keep practicing and stay positive.

Best regards.


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