Unanswered [8] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Writing Feedback   Posts: 4

Ielts writing task 2: advantages and disadvantages of going to remote natural environment


Dongvo 1 / 1  
Sep 28, 2017   #1

natural areas closed to people?



People increasingly enhance ability to access to remote natural areas thanks to advanced technology. While I understand that critics may see this as of significant threat to nature, I believe that benefits do outweigh drawbacks.

Not only does human exploration of natural world disorder fauna and flora but also lead to dangerous situations for scientists and tourists themselves on certain occasions. Firstly, native wildlife might be destroyed by such human activities as building infrastructure and changing original landscapes. Furthermore, waste left behind after tours contains many materials and substances which are extremely harmful to the environment. Secondly, traveling to remote places untough by people namely deep oceans or high mountains is very risky because of dangerous factors hidden in these places. The more dangerous places are, the more travelers want to reach to there.

In spite of the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that people, especially scientists, can acquire highly valuable knowledge via studying natural environment. It is undeniable that only by visiting isolated natural places do people comprehend more deeply about how variety of strange creatures survive and grow in the scope of their own environments. As a result, public perception to protect natural habitat could increase by impartation of the scientific study or by tour experience. BBC planet earth series is an excellent instance, the series keeps people supplied with vastly natural information from diversified living environments, including oceans, mountain and the South and the North Pole. In fact, it is unrealistic to require inhabitants to protect ambiguous stuff that they are unaware of.

In conclusion, it seems to me that we gain more than we lose from the discovery of the natural world.

TJLuschen - / 245 191  
Sep 28, 2017   #2
It is difficult, if not impossible to comment constructively on your essay if you do not include the actual prompt. I found this one that seems similar - can you verify that this is the prompt?

Scientists and tourists travel to remote natural environments, such as the South Pole. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
ayibram 6 / 18 2  
Sep 28, 2017   #3
@Dongvo
Hi Dong, let me feedback to you. First and foremost, can you add the question in your essay so we will know whether you answer the prompt or not and you paraphrase them effectively or not.

Second, You better use one idea then explaining the detail in one paragraph rather than mention all idea in one paragraph (example: paragraph 1: advantages, paragraph 2: the disadvantages) It will help you to maintain the coherence and cohesion. I also still do this mistake.

Third,
In last paragraph (conclusion) you have to put more sentence to conclude your ideas and cover all your statement. You can't just put one sentence there.
OP Dongvo 1 / 1  
Sep 29, 2017   #4
@TJLuschen: many thanks for your advice, it is the first time I 've posted on this website. I will redo my threat


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts writing task 2: advantages and disadvantages of going to remote natural environment