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Sophie1108 1 / -  
Oct 8, 2020   #1

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

The fact that many nations are experiencing increases in life expectancy will have to face the challenges of this trend to their public health systems as well as to their national budgets. Despite this, I would argue that the positive aspects of growing longevity outweigh the negatives.

One principle issue when people live longer is an increased demand for medical treatment. Not only will health facilities have to provide treatment for a larger number of patients, they also have to treat more cases involving in chronic conditions such as heart diseases or cancer due to the vulnerability of old people to these diseases. This may put a heavy burden on public healthcare in the sense that it both must effectively allocate available but limited health resources in order to meet the requirements of communities and must find a cure for fatal conditions. Other potential negatives should be considered are a decline in income taxes associating with the growing demands for pension benefits because of more people of retirement age. Residents, hence, may pay more taxes if governments find ways to increase taxes on other areas as a measure to tackle shortfalls in revenues.

However, I would argue that the positive sides when the populations of countries grow older are more significant than the negative. A high life expectancy could be considered as proof positive of a well-developed health system, and therefore the effects of it on healthcare mentioned above can be mitigated. It is witnessed that in countries whose places are at the top of world's highest life expectancy, patients are more likely to have better access to better medical treatment. Besides, as a certain amount of money is in the possession of adults after retirement age, they can become targert customers at which businesses aim their products. Consequently, revenues governments receive can be raised through taxes paid on goods and services and by these companies. Above all, I believe that having a longer life is a health benefit humans deserve to receive. People have contributed a large part of their adulthood to work and social development, they are worth appreciating the rest of their lives with their family members or pursuing their dreams.

In summary, I would say that although increased life expectancy has some downsides, particularly on nations' healthcare and revenues, the fact that these challenges can be addressed and that it is a health reward which humans deserve to receive justify the negatives.

* I know that my essay is too long (more than 400 words) and that's not good for a writing task 2 essay whose length should be under 300 words. But I want to say that I was practising writing and tried my best to improve and sharpen my thinking so I ignored limited time and words. All what I have focused are how clearly and logically my essay are.

Thank you first for your time to read my essay and I am looking forward getting your responses.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,732 3069  
Oct 9, 2020   #2
Your first paragraph is incoherent. You have to separate your thoughts into individual sentences. Make sure that each sentences connects to the next statement. In that paragraph, you need to make sure that you do the following:

Sentence 1: Restate the topic
Sentence 2: Restate the reason(s) for the discussion
Sentence 3: Give an advantage topic
Sentence 4: Give a disadvantage topic
Sentence 5: Give your personal reason

You should not allow yourself to get used to writing overly long essays in the practice tests. You may find it difficult to adjust later on when you truly have to write 3-5 sentences per paragraph. You are not writing a research paper. Think of this as an explanatory paper instead. When you are explaining, you want to do it quickly and clearly. So use the following format next time:

Sentence 1: A/D topic
Sentence 2: Why this is an A/D
Sentence 3: Supporting example
Sentence 4: Justify how the example supports the A/D reason
Sentence 5: Transition or additional explanation (optional)

Remember the time limit. You have to practice writing within the time requirement. It is what will help you prepare for the actual test. Perfect your clarity within an actual test setting. We are here to help you get to that point.
thphuong1911 4 / 11  
Oct 10, 2020   #3
1st paragraph, you mentioned "this trend". I suggest you should have short description of what this trend is
2nd paragraph, add your topic sentence is the beginning of paragraph
The reason postive of long life outweighing negative is to proof well health care system is not persuade me. My suggesion: some reasons such as people can work longer -> benefit to society ...