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IELTS Essay: The advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities.


nguyenthiet1993 8 / 3 5  
Jul 18, 2015   #1
The advantages and disadvantages of living in big cities. Please score my essay !
Nowadays, an increasing of people are concerned about living in big cities. While some people state that this new tendency can bring many disadvantages, I personally believe that moving to a modern metropolis gives people countless advantages.

On the one hand, living in big cities can constitute a great number of disadvantages for citizens. firstly, there are many kinds of pollution, resulting from the growth of population density such as air pollution, water pollution, noise pollution and so on. These types of contamination will have adverse effects on people's health. Secondly, the gap between the rich and the poor will be widen If there are so many people leaving the rural areas to live in urban areas. Students are good examples here, students tend to reside in city in order to get well-paid jobs and improve their career path after graduation. As a result of this, the countrysides are poorer and the urbans are richer. Finally, citizens have to pay the higher cost of living than people living in suburbs. It is sure that the inflation in metropolis is always higher than in other places, this results in the higher living cost in city.

On the other hand, the city life is advantageous to some extent. The greatest advantage of living in city is that citizens will possess an array of opportunities to gain real and valuable knowledge. There are a world of people traced back to different cultures and provinces in city, therefore easily people can get understanding of the other cultures. An additional advantage of the city life is the convenience of services. It is with the fast development of technology that promotes society to show more and more actionable services like health care service, consulting service name just a few. The last advantage is that living in big cities will open avenue for job hunting. The various companies and factories located in big cities will afford myriad employment opportunities, this make job seekers easier to get a good position.

In conclusion, although some people think living in big cities causes a great deal of drawbacks, I strongly restate that this tendency creates many advantages.

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 18, 2015   #2
In conclusion, although some people think living in big cities causes a great deal of drawbacks, I strongly restate that this tendency creates many advantages. conclusion is too short. Reword the thesis first, then give your opinion and finally close it with a clincher/ending statement)

I would give this essay a 6.5; very close to 7 though. There are some problems with the structures of introduction, conclusion, and body paragraphs, as well as, transitions which may block band 7. There were some minor grammar errors and misuses of words, but in my opinion organization and structure of an essay are much much more important than vocab and grammar for securing band 7. If you improve the issues mentioned above, I think you can get a 7 (or even higher) in writing without any problem

Hope this helps.
Cheers,
Ahmad


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