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IELTS Task 2: the advantages and disadvantages living in a small village

eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1208 476  
Jan 17, 2014   #1
In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?

Until today, the extraordinary commune's portrayal has happened in small villages, where some people spent their childhood. However, due largely to the way people life turning into modern one, they tend to move to large cities. As a result, life changing affects people changing. In this essay, I would reveal the merits and demerits of living in a small village. My inclination is argued further.

To begin with, some villagers live and work together in rice field during the day. Inevitably, this activity has raised closed social interaction among them. Take one example, they might greet and talk to one another for several minutes, even in being hurry at work, or help others construct their houses, known as social work. This portrayal of life encourages more tolerance among people rather than who living in the big cities.

Apparently, the downside of living in a small village is people cant even take chances to study-and-work best and have healthy life. This is surely authentic, because villages are identical with poor and dull education, healthcare and infrastructures. Again, as a result of having deteriorated neighborhood, it would attract bad effects in daily mood and well-being. For example, the idleness condition has raised the number of people who gain stressful year by year. The only way some people ever tend to move to big cities as to reveal a better life.

Ultimately, a small village as a good place to live makes people more enjoyable doing their daily activity with others rather than in a big city. However, spending whole lifetime in this place would raise many disadvantages. Where possible, local governments should pay particular attention to notice supra-and-infrastructure improvement for small villages.
Pahan 1 / 1904 553  
Jan 17, 2014   #2
Well... your introduction is very complicated for the reader to understand. It seems you try to use as many key words as possible. However, you have to be very careful in using synonyms as they may interpret something totally different to what you intend to mean if used inappropriately. So, don't have the habit of replacing your known vocabulary with synonyms. Remember, clarity is the most important aspect in writing. There is no point in having so many big words in your sentences if you cannot give the idea across to the reader. I wish you re-do this intro.
OP eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1208 476  
Jan 17, 2014   #3
Thank you, Pahan. I will rewrite the introduction as you suggest.

Anyway, what about the bodies of the paragraph? What I am going to say this, is there any problem for the coherence and cohesion?

Thanks in advance.
dumi 1 / 6924 1592  
Jan 18, 2014   #4
You tend to narrow down the scope of your topic. It does not talk about the villages who are paddy cultivators. They can be fishing villages or any other community. So, do not have examples when you give reasons. In other words keep your reasons more open and general.

Actual reason for villages to have close interaction with each other is that village is fairly smaller in size compared to towns. So the people live in villages get more opportunity to interact with each other.

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