Long-term care for older people
Kindly Someone Evaluate my essay on these four defined criteria.
1- task response
2- coherence and cohesion
3- lexical resource
4- grammatical range and accuracy
Many Elderly People are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend ?
It is increasingly common nowadays for families to send their elderly relatives to live in nursing homes, rather than take care of them at home. This Essay will highlight both the benefits and drawbacks of this inclination.
To begin with the positives, a crucial advantage that nursing homes have is that they are well equipped and provide professional care. Their personnel are educated in field of geriatrics and know how to deal with the needs of the elderly as well as reacting appropriately in case of any emergency. In contrast, family of these old people are rarely trained and are not equipped with knowledge in case any mishap occurs. Besides professional care , nursing homes also have a proper system to ensure timely administration of medicines and record is also kept in case for future reference.
Nevertheless, Elderly people do face some problems in nursing homes. For instance, many of them start feeling depressed and left out by their families. This is because they are rarely visited by their family members and often miss out on family functions. Another significant disadvantage is that they mostly live in an environment surrounded by sick people. This leads to increased chances of contracting infectious diseases as majority of the old people have comparatively weakened immune systems.
In conclusion, although nursing homes are beneficial in terms of Professional care and up to date system of medicine administration and record keeping, it is important to consider that they also cause some old people to feel lonely and depressed and also increase their chances on infection.
I would like to have some comments on your writing as follows:
You have answered the question using good transitional words and academic vocabulary. However, you should pay attention to the following points to improve your writing.
2) Rooms for improvement:
Task Achievement: You have presented your position but not strongly developed it. There are three main points in body paragraph 1 (better equipped nursing homes, professional staff and good administration and records), but no examples to support them. You should use one or two and support them well with explanations and examples.
You also used a lot of absolute sentences which showed over-generalization of your ideas. These should be corrected by using modal verbs and adverbs of frequency. For example: they are often well equipped ... Their personnel are usually educated ... and may know ... needs of the elderly well...
You should give examples to illustrate how better the equipment is or how better the staff are.
Coherence and Cohesion: You used transitional words well but have not connected ideas in one sentence well. You should use more relative clauses to strengthen your writing.
Lexical Resource: please correct compound words by adding hyphens (well-equipped, up-to-date).
Grammar and Accuracy: please be careful with capital letter and punctuation too. You should not use captial letter in the middle of the sentences if the words are not proper nouns ( Ex:
This Essay, Elderly, Professional care).
There are so many compound sentences while there are no complex sentences in your writing.
Hope this will help. Happy writing!