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IELTS TASK 2: The advantages and disadvantages of taking a job between school and university


aflah15 32 / 18 4  
Jan 28, 2016   #1
Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages might be for people who do this.

These days and ages, graduated students are expected to take a part in working world for several years before they continue their formal education in university. it is immensely clear that young generation will present their best performance in a higher level of education if they have the mature practical skills and own saving accounts. However, it brings negative effects on their life because most of them are positioned in the low-paid job and working period can reduce the quality of their academic skills.

Working for a while provides a large opportunity for young people to construct their life skills in the real situation since they interact with many people who have various characteristics. it teaches them building an attractive communication, controlling their time, and handling money which these abilities are very essential in their future. There could be the best time for adolescents to earn money by their own sweat. It leads them to be independent people since their salary can be allocated for their future education, like reaching the best university. Therefore, having a job gives many positive effects for young people.

However, it is difficult for people who had passed the school to be accepted in the well-paid occupation since most companies require high requirements. Applicants who have the highest degree have a large probability to be chosen in good position, while the graduated students are placed in a lower level. Another drawback is there is a limitation of productive time based on the capacity of their brains. In the working period, they are rare to exercise their brains, then it causes their previous knowledge are forgotten easily. It is a serious problem as in the university they will be taught complex subjects. Hence, they lack of the appropriate jobs and academic skills since they prefer working before entering the university.

To sum up, it is true that having a job before attending a higher level of formal education is important for graduated students since it provides additional income and some social skills which play crucial role in their future. Nevertheless, working can decrease their cognitive comprehension in the university. it would be better for young generation if they can make balance their careers and their education.

sholihin84 6 / 9  
Jan 28, 2016   #2
These days and ages , graduated students are expected to take a part in working world for several years before they continue their formal education in university.

... who have various characteristics. itteaches them building an attractive communication, ...

There are various notices on your essay:
1. The uneffective word used-->These days and ages.
2. I found quiet improvidence sentence-->for several years before..[It makes the meaning of the sentences succinct.
fijarakbar25 11 / 13 2  
Jan 28, 2016   #3
Here some suggestions

and handling money which IN WHICH THESE ABILITIES these abilities are very essential in their future.

... to earn money by their own sweat. It THAT WILL PROBABLY LEADS leads them to be independent ...

, while the graduated students are placed in a lower level WHILE STUDENTS GRADUATED WITH LOWER ACADEMIC ACHIEVEMENT TEND TO BE PLACED IN BOTTOM

... since they prefer working before entering the university TURN TO BE DETRIMENTAL
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 28, 2016   #4
Siti, in this essay, you need to keep the reference to the high school graduate from the college graduate consistent. There are many times when yo simply refer to "graduates" when discussing the work opportunities available to the high school and college level graduates. Therefore, you need to use the correct reference terms for each. For example, you can refer to a high school graduate as an undergraduate which is different from a college graduate. You can also say, secondary school graduate, which means a high school graduate, while the college graduate is often referred to as a tertiary graduate meaning having graduated from the 3rd level of highest education (college). The differences are important so that the reader will know which particular form of graduate you are discussing in reference to your claims.

Now, your discussion is good. It is based upon facts that can be easily proven. So the basis of your discussion is strong. The word usage is varied, showing a desire to portray yourself as an advanced English user. More familiarity with word synonyms and antonyms should help with the redundancy problem and the lack of understanding in word differentiation. Overall, the essay should have gotten a pretty decent score from your tutor if you had it graded.
fariz10 13 / 18 2  
Jan 28, 2016   #5
Hi Annisa,
In my opinion, you have not state your thesis statement properly in conclusion

However, it brings negative effects on their life because most of them are positioned in the low-paid job and working period can reduce the quality of their academic skills.

To sum up, it is true that having a job ...

It would be better if you paraphrase the thesis statement and put it in conclusion
Riiskacha03 31 / 34 5  
Jan 28, 2016   #6
Working for a while provides a large opportunity for young people

you cannot use for a while here, since it means a short time period, while your question talking a bout several years period.

Another drawback is there is athe limitation of productive time based on the capacity of their brains.

as in the university they will be taught complex subjectsmaterial


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