Please help me check the essay. Many thanks in advance!
solo travelling question
In this day and age, there is an increasing number of people who tend to travel independently and this phenomenon has both benefits and drawbacks which will be compared and analyzed in this essay.
To commence with, one evident benefit to travelling solo is somewhat related to low budget. In other words, it is easier to keep up your allowance when visiting new places independently on the ground that traveller can decide for themself what to spend money on. Another reason why people are inclined to travel individually is boosting their confidence. Being on their road will help them to achieve valuable life skills, challenge their limits and ability to deal with obstacles. As a result, it turns them into a more confident person. Moreover, being a solo traveller make it much easier to interact with the locals. Therefore, you can embrace more chances to make more friends.
There are some drawbacks of travelling alone that also need to be taken into account. First and foremost, personal safety could be a serious concern. One clear evidence is that when people travel individually, there is no one to watch their back. For example, it is much safer for people to get back to the hotel late at night when travelling with other person. Another major issue is that you will feel lonely when travelling alone. In other words, you will not be able to share the moment, for instance, there you are, stunned by a perfect panorama or a sensational skyline and there is no one to discuss just how wonderful it is but instead, you take a few pictures and leave.
In conclusion, although travelling solo has certain negative effects such as personal safety concern and feeling of loneliness, it has an extremely positive influence on people budget and confidence.
I think in your introduction, you should make it into 2 sentences, too complicated cause it contains 2 relative clauses.
travellers can decide for themselves
it turns them into a more confident person.
you should carefully check your grammar.
i saw more than 2 mistakes like these, hope you check again.
I think in the body paragraph 1, "Another reason why... is boosting their confidence" sounds unnatural, it should be "why is that..." or "why is because..."
Personally, if you want to get higher score in IELTS writing, try to avoid "In this day and age", "Nowadays" and so on to start an essay because it is familiar with any IELTS learners + annoy some examiners => lose your mark
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,519 3442
Basically, your essay did not follow the original prompt at all. The original prompt is:
Some people like to travel alone, while others think it is better to go together with someone. Discuss both views and include your opinion
As you can see, this was not an advantage/disadvantage/personal opinion essay. Rather this was a companion/no companion/personal opinion discussion. It is a comparison essay. As such, it will be clear to the examiner that you did not truly understand the prompt requirements and score you accordingly in the TA section. That means your TA score for this essay will be no higher than a 3. That means, if the deductions for the other grading sections are added up, there is no way you can reach the 5 band score with this sort of writing. You are scored highly on English understanding skills. Fail to prove that and it will be extremely difficult for you to make up the score to get the passing mark.
Your full discussion was based on your personal point of view. You did not discuss the public opinion for the two points of view before presenting your own assumption. That further weakened the essay because you only discussed a partial requirement instead of all the discussion criteria. You must consider all of the scoring options primarily in the TA section and ensure an appropriate response to the expected discussion so that you can be sure that you can boost your overall score from the first paragraph onward.