Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

IELTS TASK 2: The advantages of having own business outweigh the disadvantages


aflah15 32 / 18 4  
Jan 25, 2016   #1
Question:
Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?


At the present time, some people believe that having own business is better than working as employees in offices. Due to the reason that laboring in any companies lack of autonomy since the majority of power is controlled by the chiefs. In contrast, running a private business provides an independence, improves a creative thinking, and creates the job opportunities. However, it also has plenty of difficulties such as the large capital and alterable profits.

It is clear that every single worker in companies or organisations has a fixed salary for several years according to his contract, so the guarantee in his future is presented. Contradictory, the entrepreneur faces many complexities. The first problem is people who want to start a venture require a lot of money to complete their preliminary properties for producing their first products, like a textile business needs sorts of sewing equipment. Another dilemma is their incomes are unpredictable since it depends on consumers' demands. When their products are becoming famous, they will produce the maximum profits, but when the market condition shows the revers, their trade will fail. Thus, starting and maintaining a business are not simple, it provides extra efforts.

Nevertheless, the merchants believe that even though there are some challenges, making a business offers them many advantages in their life. They have the largest freedom to executing many innovations regarding to their own opinions to advance their productivity and it led them to be the independent people. In addition, the buyers, especially in the culinary aspect, tend to find the attractive dishes which have unique color, shape, or taste. It allows the owner to put their creative thinking in these elements as an identity of their outputs, so it can guide much attention of people. Furthermore, it can help many people because it provides a chance for others who are looking for occupations. When the financial of a trade shows the significant increase, it allows the owner to recruit workers to help him enlarging his business.

All in all, it is clear that being an entrepreneur is riskier than working in the companies since it has many obstacles, like hard efforts and uncertain income. However, it brings positive effects in a larger field such as offering a job for others. Therefore, its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Jan 25, 2016   #2
Siti, you did some pretty good work on this essay. The vocabulary you used shows a higher level of understanding of the language. The fact that your paragraph discussions are also longer than before shows that you now have the confidence to use more sentence devices when it comes to expressing yourself. While the language can still be rough at times, the fact that you have a longer than usual essay, and you managed to make yourself understood throughout, means that this would also get a higher than average score if you had it reviewed using the scoring system for IELTS. Now for the corrections:

At the present time , some people believe ...any companies COMPANY HAS A lack of autonomy since...creates the job opportunities...

... or organisations has ORGANIZATIONS HAVE a fixed salary for several years according to his contract, ...complete their preliminary properties CAPITAL for producing their first products, like a textile business needs sorts of sewing equipment... consumers ' demands. When their products are becoming BECOME famous, ..., shows the reversE, their trade will fail... are not simple, it REQUIRES provides extra efforts.

..., making OWNING a business offers ...largest freedom to executing IMPLEMENT many innovations regarding to their own opinions to advance their productivity and it led THAT LEADS them to be the independent people. In addition, the buyers, especially in the culinary aspect, tend to find the attractive dishes which have unique color, shape, or taste. It allows the owner to put their creative thinking inTO these elements as an identity of their outputs, so it can guide much CATCH THE attention of people. ...When the financial FINANCES of a trade shows the A significant increase, ... workers to help him IN enlarging his business.

All in all, it is clear that being an entrepreneur is riskier than working in the companies since it has many obstacles, like hard efforts and uncertain income. However, it brings positive effects in a larger field such as offering a job for EMPLOYMENT TO others. Therefore, its benefits outweigh the drawbacks.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The advantages of having own business outweigh the disadvantages