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TASK 2 : Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages

Iforsa 35 / 54 5  
Sep 1, 2016   #1
It is becoming increasingly common for people to start up their own enterprise than working in other venture. Despite the fact that it brings the real consequences such as high modal and risk, I strongly believe that the merit often outweighs any demerit since it leads people to broaden their creativity.

There is no doubt that high modal and risk play an important role to start up own business. To build up new venture people must calculate meticulously every demand so that they need high modal. According to Jakarta economic survey, showed that to make new enterprise people need Rp. 200.000.000,00. The other consequence that people are supposed to deal is risk matter. People need to compete with other competitors to get profitable market. A great deal of competitors makes new company hard to find a new market. As a result, people who start new business fail to organize their new venture.

However, it should not be forgotten that the main power to start up this phenomenon is about creativity. It is really different from working in the other company which employers have to depend on owner regulation. By using creativity people can implement all their ideas so that they work with love and desire. Creativity also tend to make people have a good problem solving skills. It may be due to the fact that they will defend to make their creativity alive so that they can survive for every single risk. Bob Sadino, for instance, he really love his job since it leads him to create the luxurious apartment. Luxurious apartment is the real evidence how creativity can persuade a wide range of people even though he faced severe problem during his life including economic crisis in 1988. However, his creativity is bigger than his problems. This is the most important role to organized venture.

To sum up, start up new business for some people make the real drawbacks such as money problems and risk. On the other hand, by using creativity people can deal with the consequences so that they will survive and succeed to lead their company.

pebzna12 13 / 24 9  
Sep 1, 2016   #2
Hi Sofi!
I think the idea is well delivered since you give relevant illustrations and or examples to support it so that you can maintain the coherence of your text that lead it to be easily understood by readers.

However, these suggestions below belong to the minor errors in your text..
in body paragraph 2
However , it should not be forgotten that ... >> it would be better if you choose another connective device such as nevertheless or meanwhile to avoid repetition with the same word below.

By using creativity, people can implement ... >> need coma
he really loves his job since it ...

Hopefully those suggestions will be helpful! (:

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