A exciting trip
My class was going for a camping trip on December 24th, Friday. I was very excited. Finally Friday came, I woke up early in the morning and ate my breakfast. I said goodbye to my father and mother when the bus came to send me to school, I was so excited that I almost tripped on the floor on my way out.
When I reached the school, I got down from the bus excitedly to meet my friends. We talked about the trip and decided we will go in groups. I was paired up with my best friend, Kelly.
Soon, the bus came to take my class to the location of the place for the camping trip. Kelly and I talked excitedly about the camping trip and spent our time playing card games. One of the boys made some funny jokes to make everyone laugh. Kelly and I laughed till our backs ached.
Just after 5 minutes of the joke, we reached our destination. I couldn't believe what I saw when I got down from the bus, the whole place was amazing. There were lights and tents everywhere.
Our teacher said we could wander around the place but not too far. Kelly and I went to admire and take pictures of the magnificent surroundings together.
After a short while, Kelly noticed that we were lost in a forest so we stuck together and held hands. We saw a light shining through the forest and we followed it with shaking knees.
Soon, we noticed that the light lead us to a very deep and dark part of the forest. Kelly ran away safely as she knew the location of where my classmates were, leaving me standing there alone with no idea of which way to go. I decided that since I brought my camping gears, I would camp for the night.
I set up my tent in the corner of the forest and found some firewood to make fire before I went to sleep.
I lay down on the mat of my tent, thinking and hoping that maybe Kelly will tell Mrs. Thomas that I am out in the forest alone but I just shook the thought out of my head as I knew that Kelly was a coward and would never have any courage to tell Mrs. Thomas anything as she thought Mrs. Thomas was fierce. "Oh please, oh please Kelly, please tell teacher I am here in the forest" I thought to myself. Finally I was too exhausted to keep awake, so I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I was awakened by the ringing of my cell phone at 5.30 a.m. in the morning. I dug into my handbag for my cell phone and realized it was Kelly calling. I answered the phone sleepily and said, "Hi Kelly, do you know what time it is?" and she answered "Of course I know what time it is, it is 5.30."
Just as I was about to reply I heard people speaking, I dropped my cell phone and felt my heart thumping and beating heavily. I kept on thinking what will happen to me, should I run or stay and then I remembered my mother had always told me not to panic when you are in trouble so I stopped panicking and decided that I will see who those people were.
I went on walking until I caught sight of them. There were two people standing in the forest. They looked like robbers to me. I quietly went back to the tent.
I really could not believe that I actually saw two robbers and then I suddenly saw the two robbers running towards me. I ran and ran till I could not run any more so I took a rest.
I was about to start running because I could see the robbers not a long way behind. Suddenly I saw there was a lion in front of me. I did not know what to choose, should I let the lion eat me or let the robbers rob me. I decided that maybe letting the robbers rob me was a better idea than letting the lion eat me so I just stood there.
Suddenly I thought of an idea. I wondered why I did not think of it earlier. I could call my friend with my cell phone and then I remembered I had left my cell phone and things near the tent.
The robbers suddenly stood in front of me and asked for all of my money and I said that I did not have any money.
They thought that I was not telling the truth so they tied my hands and brought me to a deep and dark cave.
They went away to rob for some money. I was so lucky that I had a pocket knife in my pocket because then I could use the pocket knife to cut off the rope.
As soon as I got untangled, I ran to the place where my tent is located and luckily all my things were still there. I dug into my handbag for my cell phone but I could not find it. "Oh no, I hope that those robbers did not take my cell phone," I thought sadly to myself. Then, I saw my cell phone lying just beside my tent and I quickly dialed Mrs. Thomas's number. When she answered the call, I cried "Oh Mrs. Thomas, please come into the deep and dark part of the forest as I am lost there, thank you." And she replied " Do not worry, I will come."
I was relieved when Mrs. Thomas and matron came. Mrs. Thomas told matron to bring me to where my other classmates were and let me rest while she packed up my things.
When I reached the location of where my classmates were, they asked millions of questions till I had no more breath. Matron told my classmates that I needed rest so they must keep quiet.
Very soon I recovered from excitement and was chattering to my classmates about my adventure.
My father came to the location of the camp to bring me home and I told him about my adventure all the way back home and my father said that I shall not go for any more future trips if I get lost again. How I laughed when he said that.
Is there a prompt for this? Let me just say that I didn't get what you were trying to convey. What was the adventure? Your last sentence also seems unfinished, and overall it seems quite dull. You could improve this with a greater variety of sentence structure and vocabulary. Right now, it's not bad, but the tone is kind of childish.
I had a Christmas party on December 2010 and it was great FUN!!
I don't know what this essay is for, but it's not really a good idea to capitalize words or add several exclamation marks.
Soon, my mother called me in and what a surprise I had when I walked in, my father and uncle were holding a bag which was made by my mother with my name on it.
This sentence is clumsy, break it up.
One of my cousins was playing with my ipod, and the rest of my cousins were playing hide and seek.
I was just about to go to the kitchen to get some drinks for myself and my cousins when I heard them singing Christmas carols.
I'm sorry to be harsh, these are just my personal opinions. Good luck on your essay! :)
This is a nice place to use a comma:
...with my favourite food, which is curry chicken.
And another comma... actually, a semi-colon will be good here so you don't have to use 'and' too much:
Then, I played chess with my cousins; my cousin won the first round, and I won the second round.
Every time you have a compound sentence, it is good to use a comma:
Soon, my mother called me in, and what a surprise I had when I walked in! My father and uncle were holding a bag which was made by my mother with my name on it.
Capitalize the name of the song: I sang jingle bells.
This is written nicely, but it does not seem to really have any message or theme. What it the meaning of it? I would like it if you took some time at the end to give a message to the reader, some thoughtful idea that you took away from the experience.
You must have a great family! :-)
Threads: 2
Posts: 10 Today, 02:41am #1
My class was goingwent for a camping trip on December 24th, Friday. I was very excited. Finally Friday came, I woke up early in the morning and ate my breakfast. I said goodbye to my father and mother when the bus came to send me to school, I was so excited that I almost tripped on the floor on my way out.
When I reached the school, I got down from the bus excitedly to meet my friends. We talked about the trip and decided we will go in groups. I was paired up with my best friend, Kelly.
I think your essay is good
For your first sentence if you use past cont, grammatically perfect. but we (reader) need something "past" event to complete.
Or maybe you have a reason.
