Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Advertisement are becoming more and more common. Is it a positive or negative development?


thaolinh 1 / -  
Sep 8, 2019   #1

how advertisements are affecting us?



These day, people are bombarded with various types of advertisement. This development brings about either benefits or drawbacks for humans

On the one hand, advertisements have positive effects on human's life. First of all, advertisements provide customers with information about products and services, therefore, they can make a better shopping choices for themselves and their family. For instance, public nowadays have a chance to watch advertisement about many kinds of milk on television or internet. Among several brands, moms can choose the products with the best quality, price, taste for their children. Secondly, watching advertisement help people to update the development of products. Advertisements always show the products with the most modern features Take technological devices as an example, thanks for advertisement, people can know the developing speed of the technological industry in general

On the other hand, advertisement also affected negatively on people. The first reason is that companies spend a huge amount of money on advertisement, which increase the cost of products. To reduce the price, producers might fight other ways to produce goods, such as using low-quality material or pass some stages of producing process. Another disadvantage of advertisement is that it encourage people to buy things that they do not really need. This is a waste of natural resources and working effort. For example, Apple - a famous brand of smart phone, always release the new version of their iPhone every year. There are a lot of people desire to own the newest Iphone although their phone are still working well and they are ready to pay a large amount of money to get that new smartphone

In conclusion, with the development of economy and society, advertisement has become an important part of our daily life. People should be aware of how advertisements are affecting us and use them to gain knowledge

Maria [Contributor] - / 1,046 373  
Sep 9, 2019   #2
@thaolinh
Hi there. Welcome to the forum! I hope that this feedback serves you well.

Firstly, the straightforward and yet sophisticated approach you have in writing is quite excellent. This makes your writing intelligible without all of the fuss of overtly descriptive language. Keep this up! Moreover, I also appreciate how you had a very organized writing approach that made it easier to transition between one word to another without necessarily appearing as though you are jumping into conclusive remarks.

I would only suggest that you evade the usage of packed language. What this pertains to is inserting too much information within a small cluster of text. This particular act does not benefit you in the long-run because it can impede on the clarity of text. Take, for example, the last sentence of your third paragraph. If you can eliminate these excesses, you would be able to dedicate more space to the introduction paragraph and the conclusive remarks, making your essay more balanced.


Home / Writing Feedback / Advertisement are becoming more and more common. Is it a positive or negative development?