Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

Nowadays, advertisement has bombarded people with various images and videos on technological devices


thaolinh 5 / 10 2  
Sep 13, 2020   #1
Now I comeback with the second time taking Ielts test. Hope my writing improve

IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - ADVERTISEMENT POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE EFFECT



Nowadays, advertisement has bombarded people with various images and videos on technological devices and publications such as Television, Smartphone, and Newspaper. This trend brings about both positive and negative effects on humans life.

On the one hand, it is undoubted that advertising has numerous significant benefits financially and socially. First of all, advertising provides customers with a large amount of products' information, which helps them to make better shopping choices. This also means that buyers can choose the product that works best for them. When it comes to social meaning, the advertisement might raise people awareness and knowledge about products development as well as cultural and social problems. For example, Adverting viewers can discover more about technical gadgets through smartphones or Laptops advertisements, or a lot of brands use storytelling with meaningful messages about family, dream, country, and so on to introduce their products to the customers.

On the other hand, advertising also results in several severe impacts on both companies and customers. First of all, companies have to spend a large amount of money on advertising. Because of this, apart from the cost of manufacturing, customers have to pay for the advertising cost, too. Another drawback that directly affects customers' spending habits is that advertising will encourage people to buy things that they do not really need. Take the iPhone as an example; some big fans of this brand always desire to own the latest version of this kind of smartphone, although their certain phone is still in good using condition. This leads to a waste of money and natural resources, or further will contaminate the environment.

In conclusion, advertising can be a good source of information for smart buyers. Still, at the same time, it can pose a serious threat to customers' benefits as well as the environment if people are not fully aware of its harm.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,291 2854  
Sep 14, 2020   #2
If the discussion instruction includes the reference to "Is this a positive OR negative development", then you have already made a mistake from the very beginning of this essay. You cannot say that there are both positive and negative effects because of the single opinion reference. You need to opt to defend only one side successfully within the 2 reasoning paragraphs. This is not a comparative essay discussion that will allow you to discuss both points of view. The word "or" indicates an option which one can take when making a decision. Hence the single choice / topic response.

You have also written too many words for a 40 minute task. Write no more than 275-290 words to ensure that you will be able to complete the full writing check process and also, have a clearer and better developed explanation per paragraph. Errors in grammar, C&C, and vocabulary sections are quite noticeable in this response. So between the incorrect format, and other errors, you may not realize that you have made serious errors that can prevent you from a passing score.

You are using connecting words like "Because" to start a sentence when you should know that connecting words cannot be used to start sentences as there are no ideas to connect at that point. You take too long to create your explanations. Remember the time limit. You need to say more using less words. Your LR and GRA scores, as well as the C&C will benefit from your quicker responses and explanations as this will show a depth of English writing level. The shorter but clearer your explanation, the higher your score.
OP thaolinh 5 / 10 2  
Sep 14, 2020   #3
@Holt
Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it and I will pay attention next time. But I have a problem want to ask.
If I get a topic that is something positive or negative, can I start with " In my opinion, A has both negative and positive impact " and then discuss both side. Because I prefer discuss both side and i often do not favor any side than other.

Again, your advice is really useful. Thank you very much


Home / Writing Feedback / Nowadays, advertisement has bombarded people with various images and videos on technological devices