.You see this advertisement for a job in the USA.
USA SUMMER CAMPS
People of all ages needed to work in summer camps all over the USA.
If you can speak English and you are cheerful, energetic and hardworking, you are the right person for us. Food and accommodation are provided. You just pay the air fare.
You will:
-look after children aged 8-12
-help organise sports and evening activities
-work in the kitchens
Write telling us about yourself and why you think you would be a suitable person for the job.
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Summer camps are regarded as significant activities to build children's skills and develop their abilities to create good generation in future. So I have be interested in summer camps since I was eight years old .Therefore , my dream is to work in summer camp to reflect my experience and contribute to improve young's skills .Moreover , I am legible to join USA summer camp , and I meet all USA summer requires .
Firstly: my English language is excellent. Speaking , writing , reading and listening. furthermore, I have taken twelve English courses in British council Secondly , I am 20 years old .thus , I feel so active , and I always wake up early to do exercises . As well as I have abilities to work under pressure .for example, I was working as waiter in a restaurant ten hours daily even holidays .
Thirdly, my experience in management summer camps five years. Recently I have worked in Jordanian summer camp for six months as coordinator all activities, sport, social or adventure. In addition, I have attended Management and leadership course for 60 hours.
Because I work as coordinator of organizing summer camps in Ministry of Education for primary schools who their aged between 7 to 13 years old .
Lastly, I live alone in my house . Therefore, it pushes me to depend on myself to do kitchen work, washing dishes, cleaning or cooking.
In conclusion, Really, I am looking forward to join USA summer camps. In order to, offering my experience to serve young students. Moreover, to develop my skills and exchange experiences.
- Summer camps are regarded as significant activities to build children's skills and develop their abilities to create good generation ina better future.
- So I have bebeen interested in summer camps since I was eight years old .
- Moreover , I am legible to join USA summer camp , and I meet all USA summer requires .that will enable me to meet other people.
- Firstly:First, my English language is excellent.
- thus , I feel so active , I am active and I always wake up early to do exercises.
- ThirdlyNext , my experience in managementmanaging summer camps is over five years.
- In addition, I have attended Management and leadership course for 60 hourscourses .
- Because I work as coordinator of organizing summer camps in Ministry of Education for primary schools who their aged between 7 to 13 years old .
- In conclusion, Really, I am looking forward to join USA summer camps.
-In order to, offeringshare my experience to serve young students. Moreover,and ultimately to develop my skills and exchange experiences.
M19, there you have it, my corrections for your essay. I salute you having the passion to help and serve others, being in summer camps is truly a rewarding experience.
Now, I have a few points that may help you further;
- use of punctuation mark, when you break a sentence to emphasize your idea, use comma (,) when ending a sentence, use period (.), you have to know exactly when and where to place your punctuation marks
- capitalize the first letter of the first word at the beginning of each sentence
- grammar construction and the logic of ideas on your essay, this are major writing issues that you have to take care of.
Good luck on your quest.
Keep writing
Cheers!!!
