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'Advertisements make people feel like they are successful and special person'


oneclbb 2 / 8  
Apr 6, 2014   #1
Hi all, this site is like a gift from GOD to me :). I am struggling with English, especially grammar but there is no one who can correct and modify my writing and grammar, and give me a feedback around me. But fortunately, i could find this site. I believe that this site is very helpful to improve my English skill. It would be appreciated it, if you edit my grammar and let me know better way to describe/ explain the sentence (improve grammar). :) Thanks for your help.

As a result of huge development of the mass media, people can hear many advertisements on TV, on radio, on the internet and in the newspaper. Even they can see advert on the public transportation and on the street. This means that people can be easily exposed by advertisement in their daily life. It cannot deny that advert has huge impact on people's mind about products both negatively and positively.

Many people say that advertising makes them to purchase unnecessary things. When people own the advertised products, they have a confidence as the possessions of well known products make them to feel like they are successful and special person. Also, product advertising makes people to believe that advertised merchandise have good qualities and functions so it works really well on them. When people succumb to these advertisements, they have impulsive buying. For example, women often rely on skin products advertising and they think the goods will help them to have a beautiful skin by removing all troubles on skin such as winkles and blemishes. In addition, diet product advertisement often attracts female's attention. They might trust that taking advertised diet goods assist to reduce a lot of weight in a short time and then make them good looking. Thus everyone buy more and more, thinking the products are necessary after they watch advertisement. Moreover, if there are big discounts on expensive products in advertisement, people purchase unplanned goods as they just do not want to miss the chance to get the goods at cheap price. Although the adverts are false and exaggerated, it does not matter to them. People easily mislead by advertisement and then buy products on impulse, and they purchase products which they do not really need to have when they see the advertisement. Therefore, I agree with the statement that advertising influence people to buy unnecessary goods.

It is true that advertisement makes our life better in some ways. However, I think that the advertisement has more impact on making people to buy things that they do not need.

this is incomplete writing as you can see, i just wrote the negative points. thanks.

englishlover 5 / 10  
Apr 6, 2014   #2
'As a result of huge development of the mass media, people can hear many advertisements on TV, on radio, on the internet and in the newspaper. '

Instead of hear, u should write see as we are seeing an advertisement not hear

'It cannot deny that advert has huge impact on people's mind about products both negatively and positively. '
What does the 'it' refer to? The proper sentence should be this - 'We cannot deny that....'

Good essay anyway:)
OP oneclbb 2 / 8  
Apr 6, 2014   #3
Are there any other mistakes in my writing?? Does my essay make sense to you?

Thank you :)

Yes it is too long :"( I find out I wrote many ideas in the essay. I try to break down the para as you told. Thanks again.
ramshah 11 / 27 5  
Apr 6, 2014   #4
This means that people can be easily exposed byto advertisement in their daily lives .
Many people say that advertising makes them to purchase unnecessary things.
People become easily misleadmisled by advertisement
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 6, 2014   #5
Does my essay make sense to you?

Overall, I understand your writing. However, you should organize this essay more neatly by arranging one introduction, two bodies, and one conclusion.

Are there any other mistakes in my writing??

They might trust that taking advertised diet goods assistSthem to reduce a lot of weight in a short time and thenalsoto make them good looking

Subject-verb agreements: Taking as a subject and assists as a predicate
Parallelism: To reduce ... and To make

Noteworthy:
1. It is always better you include the purpose of your writing (IELTS, TOEFL, etc.) in the title
2. You should include the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments
OP oneclbb 2 / 8  
Apr 6, 2014   #6
ok. i got it, i try to complete essay. Thanks Eddies, Ramshah and Englishlover. Thanks alot
OP oneclbb 2 / 8  
Apr 7, 2014   #7
Thanks Dumi and Pahan. your command gave me great ideas how to write essay.

But i am still confusing about the hook and background. I can't get it, how to write them. Can you please give me an example? if it does not bother you?

Thanks for your help


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