Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Advertisements makes people selfish and greedy for more and more goods


essay0405 7 / 16  
Oct 4, 2009   #1
Topic 8: We are surrounded by advertising. Some people think that this is good, because it gives us a choice as customers but others argue that it makes people selfish and greedy for more and more goods. Do you think that there should be less advertising?

Advertisements have raised the rate of purchasing things of customers for years. However, advertisements also have disadvantages that are the reason why we should lessen them.

For one thing, advertisements make the desire of buying things grow up, which sometimes waste a large amount of money. When seeing a poster on the road or a short clip of a girl standing beside a modern car with sweet smiling or a child enjoy a delicious ice-cream, we are informed that if we buy the products, we can achieve success and happiness. These are so attractive that we cannot refuse to buy them, which maybe luxurious and unnecessary for us. We spend a lot of money each year just for nothing useful that can cause some arguments in the families about what to buy.

Moreover, the advertisements are too popular and they often interrupt some of the interesting programs, which make the viewer dissatisfied. Imagine that you are watching a famous film which is loved by people all over the world and every 20 minutes there is a five-minute series of advertisements, you often have to wait when the film is at the most important moment and you are out of spirit. They are so ubiquitous that we cannot avoid seeing them.

Although some of the advertisements are informative, they show the newest goods so that we can consider which is necessary for us; some of them are blatant with the wrong information. They bring profits to the producers and the advertisers, who are sometimes not aware of the benefits of the customers. Last year, there was a scandal of the company selling milk. The customers not only bought the low-quality products and lost a lot of money but they also suffer from some health problems causing by poor nutritious milk.

These are some reasons that show the necessary in reducing advertisements in our life. We should maintain the standards of honesty and to discourage the more blatant types of misleading advertisements.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 4, 2009   #2
Summarize your reasons in the introduction.

These are so attractive that we cannot refuse to buy them

Of course we can. It's easy, really.

they often interrupt some of the interesting programs, which make the viewer dissatisfied.

True enough. Some people won't even watch tv anymore -- they just download the shows they want to watch, with the ads removed.

Last year, there was a scandal of the company selling milk.

Name names, cite details.

You are on the right track. Your grammar could use some polishing, but the errors don't really obscure your meaning most of the time.
OP essay0405 7 / 16  
Oct 4, 2009   #3
Can you identify my grammar errors for me? You know, I'm preparing for the Toefl ibt test and I'm afraid that the grammar errors may lose points in my essay.
thinhtvdhtm 41 / 97  
Oct 5, 2009   #4
Advertisements have raised the rate of purchasing things of customers for years. However, advertisements also have disadvantages that are the reason(s) why we should lessen them.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 5, 2009   #5
Using more specific language would help, as vague language combines with grammatical difficulties to make sentences dull and difficult to follow. For instance:

Before: "Advertisements have raised the rate of purchasing things of customers for years. However, advertisements also have disadvantages that are the reason why we should lessen them."

After: "Advertisements can entertain us while making us aware of options we might otherwise not have known about, but they can also mislead us and encourage us to buy things we don't really need.


Home / Writing Feedback / Advertisements makes people selfish and greedy for more and more goods