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IELTS Task 2 - Advertisements (problems & solutions)


yvonnelee89 1 / -  
Jun 16, 2016   #1
Hi everyone. I made this question on my own and hope you guys can give some feedback.
Please don't hestitate to provide your valuable opinions, corrections, and suggestions even if it just just an omission of 'the/a/an' or not even examples

Thank you so much!

Question: Advertisements are increasingly pervasive in people's lives. Explain what problems this trend may cause, and suggest some possible solutions.

Answer:
A wide range of advertisements are becoming more pervasive in today's society, and bring about different types of problems and drawbacks. Fortunately, there are solutions to tackle their impact. This essay will talk about the potential problems associated with pervasive advertisements and the measures we can take to address these problems.

There are numerous shortcomings of the increasingly pervasive commercials. Firstly, with more and more advertisements in sight, our society may become more prone to/susceptible to consumerism. Also, companies, in order to increase sales and revenue, some may make exaggerated or deceiving claims in advertisement, which may further worsen the throw-away culture. In addition, to make their goods more appealing, organizations usually have their products or services endorsed by celebrities, which potentially influences customers by associating certain feelings with their goods. To use a common example for this practice, advertisements of cigarettes which are typically endorsed by famous actors dressing as a cowboy may convey the association between cigarettes and coolness or masculinity. This can particularly have a negative effect on teenagers.

Despite the seemingly profound effects of advertising, there are various ways that everyone can take to lessen its negative influence. At an individual level, customers can become wiser buyers by having a deeper thought before deciding to buy certain products, especially when it is endorsed by idols. Besides, advertising agencies should consider morally before advertisements become public. Furthermore, governments could introduce a new law to forbid advertisements of unhealthy products from broadcasting during after-school hours and prime time. In this way, young people would be protected from the exposure of advertisements of unhealthy products.

In conclusion, both individual and advertising agencies, as well as governments can play their part in alleviating the negative impact of commercial.

(288 words)
ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Jun 16, 2016   #2
Hi yvonnelee, welcome to the EssayForurm team :) I am really grateful to see many new members everyday. This is why I keep giving sincere and meaningful feedback towards all members who need help in this forum. I hope my contribution in the descriptions below will be helpful towards your writing development, especially in IELTS writing.

1st paragraph:
- A wide range of advertisements are becoming more pervasive in today's society, and itbringsabout different types of problems and drawbacks.(if you separate "and" it has two possibilities, whether it should be a new clause, or list of verbs/adjectives/nouns. A new clause means that it needs 'subject and verb'. In this sentence, you just directly mentioned 'verb' only.) Then, (if you mention "problems and drawbacks" in a sentence like this, I think that it is really redundant. Problems means there are some drawbacks, and drawbacks means there are some problems)

- Fortunately, there are solutions to tackle theirthese impacts .
- ...and the measures that we can take to address...

2nd paragraph:
- ...become more prone to/susceptible to consumerism. (prone already has implicit 'more' inside that word. it is also the same case as 'tend to'. there is no 'more tend to' right?)

- This can particularly have a negative effect on teenagers. Therefore, people are negatively affected by advertisements.(do NOT forget to CONCLUDE every paragraph that you make, especially body paragraph. It is really crucial to the scoring criteria. "lack of overall progression or no conclusions drawn" will lead your essay to band 5.0.)

As seen, I have shown you some parts that should be done and should be avoided. I hope you can follow through my feedback. Good luck for the next practice :)


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