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Toefl essay: advertisements whose target is young children should be banned


DearbhailS 6 / 10 2  
Jul 20, 2014   #1
Nowadays, the advertisements in our daily life become more and more various, even some adults cannot recognize which advertisements are fake and which are true, so how can a young child distinguish them? Therefore, I strongly agree that the advertisement which target is young children should be prohibited. There are some reasons can support my sentiment.

First, the advertisement whose potential customers are young children will exaggerate the uses of products, even decorate them with some magical effect. But these tricks can upset children when they realize all of these are fake and even worse, these maybe make children become dreamer. When I was a young child, I fancied that if I should eat the calcium tablet, I would become an adult in the next day; because every advertisement of calcium tablet I saw all showed me that a boy ate a calcium tablet and when he woke up in the morning, he became an adult! It was very fascinating for me at that time, so I was looking forward to becoming an adult in the next day; but I failed again and again and I did not know the reason why I could not as lucky as the boy. Until I have learned some biological knowledge, I finally figured out why I cannot mature in a short time. But I did not feel happy; because the thing that I had believed in so many years crashed suddenly made me desolate. If the advertisers do not overstate them, I would not suffer this kind of pain when I was a young child. So, the advertisements whose potential customers are young children may lead adverse result on children.

Second, because young children do not have the ability to distinguish whether the good is available or not; most time they will ask their parents to buy some useless goods and the only reason is that the advertisement of this good is very fabulous. And if the parents refuse their requests, children will keep crying loudly until you are convinced and sometimes they will use hunger strike because they know you will be softhearted at the end. However, if parents satisfy their reasonless requests over and over again, it will mislead the young children; they will develop a concept that using kindness of parents is a good way to get what they want but this concept is wrong. Once a child develop a wrong notion, it is very difficult to change it in the future. Consequently, advertisings which aim at children can hurt the young children indirectly.

In a word, advertisements whose target is young children should be banned.

sundin928 12 / 18 10  
Jul 20, 2014   #2
Nowadays, the advertisements in our daily life become more and more various, even some adults cannot recognize which advertisements are fake and which are true whether some advertisements are fake or true

First Firstly, the advertisement whose potential customers are young children will exaggerate the uses of products,
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Jul 20, 2014   #3
Nowadays, the advertisements in our daily life become more and more various, even some adults cannot recognize which advertisements are fake and which are true, so how can a young child distinguish them?

Well, this is a very very long sentence and certainly not a prudent way to start your essay. You need to open your essay with an interesting and meaningful sentence which we call a hook that has the ability to hook your reader towards your writing. Long sentences are not at all interesting because the reader requires to remember lots an lots of details you have written in one go :D You should not give reader much work because reader would not like it.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jul 21, 2014   #4
Ok, I think it is good had you included the full essay prompt in your post. It helps us understand your topic better and align our comments accordingly. Also, at a glance, I feel you need to pay more attention to your essay structure. Your body paras , especially the first one, seems pretty big. This task is very sensitive on time management and if you do not complete the task on time, then you would be in trouble for marks. So, follow a structure that helps you include all the features, which are essential for scoring marks and also helps you manage time effectively.


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