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The advertising of certain food products should be banned


hoangduc241096 2 / 5  
Sep 23, 2016   #1
Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes is banned. Do you agree or disagree?.

Food have played a essential role in the mankind for thousand years. In the 21st century,some people believe that some kind of food should be limited as the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos they did before,due to the negative impact to the community. In my private opinion, I completely agree with this view.

Firstly, the food, which have high cholesterol and unnatural chemicals, such as fast food and junk food, are damaging seriously to the human 's health. There are over 1000 of patients, who have problem with obesity, have been added in the world every year and this signal will increse more quickly in next several years, following a research of WHO in 2014. The most crucial reason is they have abused KFC or MC Donald for a long time, instead of using more healthy products. That thing explain why we should control and carry out advertisements of some certain products.

Secondly, If the congress create laws to limit the society using too much the unhealthy food, it will make a big change in the human 's behavior in eating by using more traditional product with high nutritional value. In fact, in Canada, 80% of junk food companies are taxed with the same level of tobacco by the government and they are not allowed to advertise in any means of communications. As a result, the activities in producing and using some kind of unhealthy food will be controlled.

In conclusion, because of the disadvantage of some certain food product, particularly junk food, It should be limited in the public with the most powerful solutions.

can somebody tell me how score did i get in 4 criteria of IELTS and which is the biggest false to make my score go down seriously :

-task achievement
-coherence and cohesion
-lexical resource
-grammartical range and accuracy
=> overall
Thank you ^^

Alamsyah Ismail 24 / 43  
Sep 23, 2016   #2
Hello hoangduc
i have some advice to you, please pay attention if you wish

Food have played a(n) essential role in the mankind
.....using article for vowal word, you should use an

some people believe that some kind(s) of food
.....some=plural, so you should write kind with s
some kind of food should be limited as the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos (conj) they did before
....pattern of a sentence is s+v+(obj)+conj+s+v
some kind of food= subject
should be limited= verb
the limitation of cigarettes and tobaccos= object
they= subject
did= verb
so, you should use conjunction before subject (they)
OP hoangduc241096 2 / 5  
Sep 23, 2016   #3
thank you for support,can you give me some mark for the essay?? ^^
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Sep 25, 2016   #4
Hi Hoang, as much as I want to provide or rate your essay according to IELTS standard, I will not be able to as here on EF,we are not licensed to rate according to IELTS, however, as I review your essay, I must say you've covered all the basics of the IELTS standard, you started strong in your introduction, you made your point in the succeeding paragraphs and you made sure that there is a logical sequence of your ideas.

However, as much as I like how the essay is strategically written, the concluding part did not really play as strong as the previous ones. Having said that, below are my thoughts and I hope it helps in your revision.

- In conclusion, because of the disadvantage of some certain food product, particularly junk food, It should be limited into the public for public consumption,with the most powerful solutions such as media involvement and advertising healthier options will help the public learn more and make wiser decision on what they will and they want to eat .

There you have it Hoang, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and for future writing reference, be more specific with your reasons, enumerate and elaborate ideas if you can.
OP hoangduc241096 2 / 5  
Sep 25, 2016   #5
thank you so much for your attendtion ^^
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Sep 27, 2016   #6
Hi Hoang, no worries at all we are here to share with you what we know and our expertise in order for you to be more confident in submitting your essay and in the process giving you that extra strength to your essay.

Moreover, we advice that aside from answering prompts that definitely hones your writing skills, I personally suggest that you develop different writing techniques in order to give not only a variety to your writing but also a different substance that will enhance and develop your writing skills.

Overall, you can go ahead and experiment in your writing, learn from other writers, do a competitive comparison and most importantly, write as much as you can as well as read a lot, this will not only help you know and learn more about new words and how they are used in a sentence, this will greatly help you in coming up with an even stronger article.


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