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IELTS; The advertising has been widespread in the world. A complete restriction necessary?

Dung Tran 2 / 2  
Feb 16, 2019   #1

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising!

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, it is true that advertising has been widespread in the world. Some people argued that all complete restriction on all types of adverts would be conducive to community due to its pointless and sometimes harmfulness. However, not all categories have detrimental effects on society and I therefore partly agree with the idea.

On the one hand, advertising which adversely affect should be prohibited. Advertisements can certainly tempt children in particular to buy products that they might not want and in turn their parents spend their budget on unnecessary things. In fact, the main purpose of advertisers is to convince that buying things leads to happiness through colorful image on billboard in particular which attract customers. Children are too young to comprehend the harmful impacts of products on them and therefore it is inevitable that the youths put pressure on their older adults by pestering or nagging. Advertisement of laser light, for example which is exaggerated its function such as making fire, cutting paper and so on while this toy triggers the blind as children contact with it for a long time. In the same way, snack is advertised wisely on television time after time and becomes a popular food among adolescents, while the product has negative influences on their health. It is necessary that these types of advertising should be banned as soon as possible before unforgettable consequences occur.

On the other hand, it is beneficial for society to accept other advertisements. Firstly, thanks to this form, customers would have chances to access to information of products. In fact, advert is a useful type of annoucement which companies provide clients with their goods. Therefore, Buyers could compare easily its standards like shape, price and make a decision instead of going to shops directly. Secondly the tremendous development of advertising tackles the unemployed issue which becomes hetic concern of many countries in the world. In indeed, when firms succeed in selling their products by positive impacts of advertisement, the quality life of employees would be enhanced. Cocacola cooperation, for instance which successfully makes use of the form of promotion has a host of branch over the world and creates thousands of jobs for community.

In conclusion, although prohibition need to apply to few types of advertising be harmful to society, it is sems to me that others has advantages for humans being.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,636 2522  
Feb 16, 2019   #2
Tran, good job on the direct response to the extent essay. Further applause is required because you knew well enough to give a measured response to the question. Additional cheers for showing an implied discussion outline, all within your prompt paraphrase.

Your not so impressive actions come from using the memorized phrases "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" rather than using topic sentences to open your reasoning paragraphs. It will help your overall score if you can show that you can create true complex and simple sentences rather than relying on learned phrases to help your essay long, specially when introducing your reasoning topic.

An additional problem with this essay is that you only have 40 minutes to write the Task 2 essay and somehow you managed to write almost 400 words. This will be an impossible feat at the testing center when you need to write at least 250 words, review, revise, edit, and finalize within 40 minutes. Next time, use a timer. You will find that the most number of words you can write is about 300, depending upon your knowledge of the topic and the editing requirements of your work. At 250 words, that means you need to write 25 lines of text, represented by 5 sentences in each of the 4-5 paragraph presentation to present 250 words. 30 lines would be around 300 words. That is the most ideal writing representation you can make. Spelling errors include:

Hetic- Hectic
Cocacola - Coca - Cola
sems - seems

Make sure you also use the adverbs in the right positions: compare easily = easily compare. Review the English grammar rules and make sure that you spell in UK English as much as possible. It is best to show a familiarity with the way that region of the world spells in English to prove you understand the difference between US and UK grammar presentations.

Review your work for spelling and sentence structure errors, in this case, you made several spelling mistakes and failed to correct them. Which means your LR score would be reduced because you failed to spot and correct avoidable errors. You want to make sure that you present the essay at its optimum level for scoring consideration. So make sure you review and edit before submission. There are no second chances at the testing center.

Final problems arise from your improper concluding summary. It is not a summary, it is a hanging paragraph. There is no real closing sentiment representing the reverse prompt paraphrase for the essay. That should be at least 3 sentences long.

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