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Adverts all around us. Opinion on whether advertising is positive to our lives.


bdmqnh 7 / 16 5  
Jul 29, 2020   #1
Hi guys, this is my essay. Thanks for taking a look at it. Much appreciated!

Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?



In this modern day and age, it is undoubted that advertising is dominant and becoming an everyday thing. Some people consider this as an upside of life. I totally agree with this for the reason that it is advantageous to both consumers and producers.

In terms of consumers, they are likely to have detailed information about products, which allows them to make comparisons between products they are wondering about. Thus they would be able to find the best deals. Beside that, advertising also acts as a form of entertainment. Since there is a growing competitiveness between brands, companies are trying to boost their attractiveness by applying entertaining effects on ads to catch consumers' attention. Thus, viewers are more likely to enjoy advertisements to unwind and lift their mood up. For example, while getting stressed from online study, I am often able to release my stress by running into adverts with engaging songs and singing along.

In terms of producers, advertising does bring them a couple of benefits. Firstly, advertising means closer approaches to buyers which in turn increases sales and profits. Consequently, this not only does good to companies but also helps shape a stronger economy. Secondly, as the process of promoting products requires a lot of labor, it would lead to higher recruitment for jobs. For instance, because the advertising industry, these days, is on a dramatic development to meet demands for products than ever before, various job positions such as copywriter or illustrator are overflowing on the job market with lucrative salaries. As a result, job seekers can hunt for jobs that comfortably suit them and earn an excessive amount of money.

Looking back, it is my firm belief and agreement with those who say that owing to advertising, our lives can benefit much greater.

(297 words)

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,363 2888  
Jul 30, 2020   #2
Avoid often used phrases such as "In this modern day and age". It comes across as a memorized phrase to the examiner. Do not use the word "undoubtedly" either as the essay is asking you to discuss an opinion about the opinion presented. That means, there are doubts about the discussion since there are 2 points of view about it. You are offering a matter of fact opinion when in actuality, there are only discussion opinions and no proven side.

Your 1st reasoning paragraph is under developed. Well, the first part is under developed but the 2nd part is fully developed. You should have removed the first reason because you were not properly able to defend that opinion. This is why I always ask the student to use only 1 topic per paragraph. It is difficult to fully develop 2 reasons in one paragraph within 5 sentences. You can only successfully develop one reason per paragraph unless you know how to properly connect the discussion using transition sentences in the paragraph. The same situation occurred in the 2nd reasoning paragraph as well.

Your recap is incorrect. You did not properly summarize the discussion points. Those need to be restated in that section to properly conclude the essay based upon the expected format.
OP bdmqnh 7 / 16 5  
Jul 30, 2020   #3
@Holt
First, I want to thank you so much for giving me assesment on my essay.
Second, I'm still not really clear what you mean "under-develop". Can you explain it clearer and suggest me some ways to develop it better. Since I find myself not able to write enough or nearly 250 words unless I give more than 2 reasons per paragraph, I think I had better give more ideas to make it longer.


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