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Toefl essay: Advice from a supervisor is more valuable than some hint from a co-worker

kichan 1 / 1  
Dec 19, 2015   #1
Topic: People learn better from those at their own level-such as fellow students or co-workers-than from those at a higher level, such as teachers or supervisors.

My answer:
What would be the best way if a project deadline is up, and you are at a loss. Would it better to ask to your colleague or your manager? In my opinion, asking the supervisor for advice is desirable for the reasons that I will explore in this essay.

The first benefit is that we can get the better results from more knowledgeable people. As a novice worker, I asked my senior engineer about a complicated design problem. Having dealt with similar kinds of problems before, he gave me how to approach the task from scratch. His detailed explanation was very effective; the final result was so successful that my boss heaped praises on me in a monthly meeting in front of the staff. From this experience, I realized that getting an appropriate answer from a credible source is indispensable in other areas of life than profession. This is especially true if the problem at hand is of great importance such as legal advice, financial management, and health condition to prevent irreversible damage resulting from incorrect information. To sum up, relying on to a reliable person is a good strategy for increased chance of success.

Another point that supervisors can be of tremendous help is their social network broadened with their career. In the same workplace I mentioned above, I was having a problem with installing an inspection system for possible defects in a production line and turned to my manager, who didn't have any clue either. Not knowing how to solve it, he started asking around and found a person who saved us from there. The detector he suggested worked like a charm and the defection ratio could be under the specification. This taught me the importance of being connected with skilled individuals. In a critical moment, the most efficient way is to get a help from a right person. In that sense, having a solid and extensive network is crucial in troubleshooting, and borrowing a network of a far reaching person a is an effective strategy to handle many problems.

In sum, getting help from supervisor is a good way to deal with difficulties we may face. Not only does it reduce the probability of failure but it also compensates my limited circle. Experience is valuable, and borrowing it from wiser people makes life easier.

ellaak 2 / 6 1  
Dec 19, 2015   #2
I think you did an incredible job answering the prompt. I think that you should just get rid of this part In my opinion and just state what you believe. Other than that it was really good!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Dec 19, 2015   #3
Kichan, it is very impressive to read that you have based your response to the prompt on your personal experience. That is definitely going to increase your chances of a better grade as it shows a high level of English comprehension skills. While your grammar does require some work in some parts of the essay, the line of reasoning that you wish to present remained clear an unaffected by the little, almost negligible mistakes in grammar and sentence structure.

However, the essay could have been better if you had done a comparison of the ways that advice taken from a co-worker, as in the scenario that you explained, would not have been as valuable or useful as the advice of a person with experience or authority. By comparing the two on a concrete level, you would have further enhanced your stand and proven your opinion to the reader.

Regardless of the little problems, this is still a well written essay that would have gotten a good mark had this been the actual test :-)
OP kichan 1 / 1  
Dec 19, 2015   #4
Hello, ellaak, thank you for taking your time reading my essay and tidying up the introduction.
Hello, vangiespen. I appreciate your detailed explanation on what needs to be done to fully develop my point. It's going to be a challenge to take examples from both sides, but I'll keep it in mind for my next essay.

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